Paying attention

Is it possible that we are watching too closely?

We see declines. We worry. We are concerned with their comfort. We look to manage this disease. We know we can’t prevent the inevitable, but we look to head it off at the pass.

Sometimes, when we pay so much attention, we give ourselves more worries. It’s LBD. There are going to be downs that might be temporary or ups that might not last.

My caution stems from the experience with Burt over the past few weeks. He has seemed so much more confused of late.

He imagines his mother, father, and sometimes a young “male,” helping me care for him. An old friend came to his birthday party, and he was so excited to “meet that guy from Brooklyn.”

At times, he seems almost completely incoherent.

All the while, he has also been aware of and bemoaning his brain disease.

On the day of his appointment to his neurologist, he was his normal jocular self. He liked seeing the people who come with to help me on these visits. Once in the doctor’s office, he perked up. He remembered. He was able to ask questions. He reached a highpoint.

I don’t know how to describe this, but it was not showtime. I know it sounds like showtime, but it was more like a transformation.

Today, the day after he saw his doctor, he still seems to have returned to a plateau. We had a friend drop by to wish him a belated happy birthday. Burt was sharp.

His focus continued when he made a short video about his OT experience for her last day with him. What he said was smart, funny, and very touching.

Just as I won’t despair at the decline when he’s confused, I won’t exult too much in the improvement.

No one knows what will be. Let’s not overanalyze. Be vigilant. Be caring. Be grateful for every day.