It’s all in the timing

I’ve gotten into the habit of dismissing his actions as “poor timing.” He’ll ask for a glass of milk, for instance, and as I deliver it, he will take off for the bathroom or to go lie down.

Burt’s rhythm, unlike mine, requires a slower beat. I want to keep things moving. He needs time to process, even his own needs and wants.

While I can not predict what he’s going to do or decide, I can frame these moments as my missed timing.

I have begun to add a pause or break before springing to respond.

The advantage of waiting for the extra measure includes the opportunity to postpone an unwanted event.

For instance, he calls for a meal or snack at bedtime. Wait for it… he’s snoring.

This is not a universally effective trick. Last night, it was clear that the longer I took to get a snack, the later it would be before I could go back to sleep.

He had woken at 2am with a streak of hallucinations. He had actively moved himself from tale to top in the bed. I worried he would land on the floor and was in hysterics getting him to reposition.

It turned out that miraculously, he was able to turn. I shut the light, hoping he would doze off.

He continued to talk, politely asking one of the hallucinatory companions to get him a glass of milk.

I offered a Madeleine cookie in place of the Cheerios he requested and brought the milk.