Here are some of the things Burt’s lost along the road our journey has taken:
The construct of time. It is a made-up thing. He was right about that early on. He would say, “Why is it day or night?” Well, not so much right on that point.
Time is a man-imposed measure, but nature brings the light of day or the dark of night.
The hours and the minutes just help us keep track so we know when our wife is coming home or if it’s time for our favorite TV show. Yes, he’s kind of demanding “on demand” all the time. Why didn’t I think of that!
The inability to keep track of time has serious consequences. It messed with his sleep cycle in the beginning of our travels with this disease. I think it also added [and still adds] to his anxiety.
There’s another battle Burt has lost; he suffered from anxiety and was prone to panic attacks before his illness. The presence of Lewy Body Dementia has heightened those health issues.
No doubt living with confusion has to increase feelings of anxiety.
Often, the confusion veers off into an uncertainty about who he’s talking to. Hence, the “What’s your name, little girl?” queries.
The presumed encounter with a stranger is most usually a benign one for him.
Impulse control, never a strength, is gone. He’s quick to lose it but also quick to subside after (for instance) tossing a therapy ball across the room.
To recap, from the top, the losses are any sense of time; mental peace and comfort from fears; security and certainty; freedom from tantrums.
Of course, there are the also poignant diminishments of logic, understanding and judgment. The complete inability to determine cause and effect.
As he was prone to explain, “it’s a brain disease.” I have to be thankful that as the disease has progressed, he seems to have lost the knowledge of its most devastating effect.
this is our life 