Argumentative

Early on, I lamented not being able to argue with my husband.

Now, when I scream at him out of exasperation from another room, he thinks there are two crazy women in his life.

That’s not fair to him and must be a tad terrifying.

His demonstrations of anger seem to be a way of asserting his control. When he’s out of control, he feels the power of his temper.

Those tantrums are now more comical than terrible except for concerns over his safety as he jams his walker into a wall. He no longer has the ability to organize his fury, but he certainly gives it maximum effort.

My yelling at him is my venting after repeated attempts to quiet him fail me or rather when more attempts than my patience will sustain are needed.

It’s ultimately ineffective and truly dangerous to the frailty of our relationship. He doesn’t know which wife is soothing him or which one is shouting. My being consistently nice goes further towards keeping him from distress than any quirk of my temper.

I know all this, and yet my better self doesn’t always rise to the trial. Keep trying. It’s all I can do.