When we started our ride with Lewy, I was cheered± by one assurance. Unlike Alzheimer’s the person with this dementia will always know his/her spouse.
It’s a tricky point. They didn’t tell me that he would tell me that his wife was dead; or that he hates her. They didn’t say that there would be so many of me.
Well, actually, they did. I was introduced to Capgras (the “phantom” wife syndrome) early on. Burt never recognized me then, but he had many wives.
I guess what they didn’t tell me was how complicated all this was going to get.
Juggling multiple wives isn’t that hard for Burt. I am the one who is challenged by it.
Not just logistically. As time has passed on this roller coaster ride from hell, I have found the issue of my identity ever more difficult, emotionally. On the gut level.
±Let’s face it “cheered” is too cheery an emotion to attach to any assurance vis a vis your loved one with dementia. If you can find a less robust adjective, let me know.
Tamara, I’m very familiar with this scenario. My husband also has several wives named Peggy. Five at one count, when he had me take him to the Hallmark store and he purchased 5 Valentines – one for each wife. (I only received one and I often wonder where the other 4 went). But my favorite mix-up was one afternoon when he looked at me and said “I’m so glad you’re here. The woman that was helping me this morning was a real bitch!”
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Peggy, not to one*up you (actually more like 8 or so up) Burt’s high point is about a dozen. “Which wife are you?” is funny. At first. I know that nothing I can do helps him recognize who I am.
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