The theater

We were regulars on Broadway, off, off-off. We attended dance and jazz performances. We went to pop concerts and some opera.

When I string that out like that, I wonder how we found the time.

As he approached the beginnings of his dementia, sitting through a ballet or staying for a show became a challenge.

We had tickets for Hamilton and, at the last minute, Burt bailed. He told me he couldn’t sit that long. Knowing that I had been so much looking forward to seeing this musical, Burt had made a plan.

He and I went out for the traditional pre-theater bite; we walked to the theater and as we got on line to enter, he told me he was selling his ticket. “You go, you really want to see it,” he said. It was too long, he said. “See you at home.” He knew how this matinee would unfold.

After that, for a while, when I got press tickets, he told me to take a friend. I did. I was uncomfortable going without him.

One of the few times after this that he did join me was for A Doll’s House, Part 2. He worried about getting to the bathroom; we were relieved that it was an intermissionless 75 minutes. Our seats were one in off the aisle; I think this concerned him. That was in May 2017. Wow.

The long before had some prelude to what our life would become. It always does. My advice to anyone caregiving now who’s inclined to fret over when and oh my how could I have missed the signs: life is like that, you knew when you needed to know. I look upon that show in 2017 with Burt as a highlight of our before.

There were many highlights in that long before [and many during the years of our life with dementia] but A Doll’s House, Part 2 was a special moment. We went to the theater together. For the last time. The curtain fell and rose on a different life. Together.

Burt has left the theater – is that the Elvis line, or was it building– but now, when I go to see a performance, I carry the memories of lots of other shows we saw together. He’ll be in the theater with me in the spirit of curious anticipation we always shared before the curtain went up.