From beginning to end, it was not a sudden event. It felt like a long journey and also as if it all transpired in a flash.
Dementia slowly steals faculties, alters personality, changes the conversation.
Once upon years before, we shared ideas and interests, exchanged thoughts and had meaningful communication. Once upon… I thrilled at his touch, felt protected in his arms. All that went missing as his capabilities diminished.
Burt took a deep dive into some symptoms early on, and that actually was sudden.
Medications got him back on track, pretty much, for a while. He was less confused, regained memory and returned to an amicable sociability. There was enjoyment and laughter, closeness and care between us. He seemed happy.
Dementia with Lewy Bodies is unpredictible. It twists and turns so when Burt took that last dip, I expected we’d return to higher ground. I also expected that we might not. Burt took to his bed. Was he afraid? Unsteady?
He was content to stay in the safety of the bed. Less and less engaged. The beginning of his end was some four months in the making. Over the weekend before the final end, he appeared to be actively dying.
I had learned that there was such a thing to my surprise. When it happened, I recognized it.
The last four days, he searched for an exit, hands stretched out; he was mostly non-verbal and staring straight ahead. The end was a truly profound experience.
Now, I am left to miss him but with the certainty that this end was to the good. He passed well and quickly and entirely on his own terms. From beginning to end, the journey was long and arduous as well as short and intense.
this is our life 