The sun will

The last five years have been harder on me than I felt as they rolled along.

Caregiving is an encompassing experience. It holds your focus; your loved one keeps you focused on doing for…. Burt was the center for my worry and care.

I was a model for selfcare, I say with no boast or irony. I knew I had to have time away from care and for me. I got Burt companion care almost from the beginning.

He needed to have someone at home with him; not all pwd will, but it felt right. I could go out for 45mins to an hour to the grocery store but for gym runs or lunch with a friend, I didn’t want to leave him alone.

Now that it’s just two and a half weeks since Burt passed, there is relief. Relief mingles with sorrow but I see friends and still have joys in my life. I also have my reflections and memories.

There is a relief, also, for him; Burt’s last decline was a decline in his quality of life, a life that had already been impacted by Lewy Body Dementia. So, yes, from bad to worse. Much worse. I choose to think his passing was at his right time. At his chosen time.

Now, as that time ticks on, I have to adjust to his not being here. I have to adjust to being alone. I will be fine.