At the recommendation of a friend, I started reading [aka, listening to] Geraldine Brooks’ Memorial Days. [I am rewarded for my new audio gal habit by listening to the author herself.]
All those asides are beside the point.
Brooks’ says early on that she did not grieve fully for her husband because society has devalued grieving.
That is my paraphrase. We no longer wear widow’s weeds, or black for a year, or any of those outward signs of mourning.
It does not mean we don’t mourn properly or deeply.
There is no such thing. The loss of your spouse does not allow you to forego mourning. Grief is a peculiar experience and tailored to us each individually.
Another friend has gifted me her thoughtful screed on the subject, Griefcraft.
In mourning, we often ignore the messages our bodies give.
What resonates with me in this short manual is its suggestions on how to interpret those messages and let them guide us.
It has encouraged me to let my body and mind incorporate my grief.
It’s another lesson in mindfulness I have had to learn.
I took the evenings off this past week to dwell more deeply with my grief. Not going out after 4 or so helped me focus.
To contact Mel about Griefcraft, email directly to melgutierrez13@gmail.com or ask me for a copy.
this is our life 