I wear my grief on my sleeve likeA badge on a soccer uniformI hope that the love is a secondPatch also obvious, also on mySleeve. Love and grief commingle,Intertwined, intermingled, linkedIn tears and smiles, in the joy ofHaving you still with me. I see theGlimmers of who you always were.I mourn losing all the rest.Continue reading “Love and grief”
Category Archives: Losses
Equivocal grief
I have been doing my shareOf grieving lately. I say shareAs if it were an apportionedAmount. A pinch of salt, dashOf cardamon. Measure yourGrief in a beaker, a basket, byThe pound or a bushel. I doNot even know what a bushelIs. There’s the song, “I love youA bushel and a peck,” it adds”A hug aroundContinue reading “Equivocal grief”
Home away
It’s a quandary we face. The person we love and married is no longer the same. I miss him all the time. Life with a p.w.d. is far from easy. Is this the right time to place him or her in a residential home? A social worker once told me, “You will know when theContinue reading “Home away”
You know the phrase
I love him to pieces. You Know that feeling. You’veSaid it before. Now, I alsoSay, “I love him in pieces.”As he falls away, stumblesIn his mind, loses his way.Reasoning is gone, his andMine; I, too, am less rationalI, too, am lost or losing myPath forward. I, too, am soEmotional that I can cry in AnContinue reading “You know the phrase”
Time is not the only
A poem So much has gone missingAs I mourn your losses andThe loss of you, the loss of Your thoughts, recollections,The loss of who you were orHow you form ideas, come To conclusions. All the lossThat is clear, and all that isAmbiguous, waiting in theWings for the big finale I amSure will tear my heartContinue reading “Time is not the only”
Poems of time and remembrance
He told me all his stories, so That when this day came, I’d Be the one who remembered. Love song: if I remember you Is it lost if we mourn it Mourning When he lost the wisdom of his age What feels like the loss That he’s broken and breaking [Like] Lear on the moorContinue reading “Poems of time and remembrance”
Should’ve
When you came home from a walk and said you were lost on 5th Avenue, I was worried. When you told me you had experienced double vision, I worried again. I should have asked you how you felt. Your worry was unspoken but deeply felt. I should have said I’m worried, but you matter. IfContinue reading “Should’ve”
Decisions
As this disease progresses, the caregiver is obliged to make decisions for her beloved pwd. Mine lost most of his executive function with the first blush of his illness. Nonetheless, he could participate in some decisions I made on his behalf. He refused all medications in the beginning. I felt it was his right. HeContinue reading “Decisions”
Identity isn’t just for politics
This morning, I realized that the name of my poetry blog has a correlation with our journey with dementia. Burt has a regular delusion [mostly in early morning or at evening into night](pardon the digression). I am one of several wives, his Capgras syndrome tells me. Often, I am not sure which one he isContinue reading “Identity isn’t just for politics”
Argumentative
Early on, I lamented not being able to argue with my husband. Now, when I scream at him out of exasperation from another room, he thinks there are two crazy women in his life. That’s not fair to him and must be a tad terrifying. His demonstrations of anger seem to be a way ofContinue reading “Argumentative”
this is our life 