Respect – this is our life

Quitting, is that really an option?

You know what, I quit Based on A Prompt From My Caregiver Writing Group In the rearview mirror when I watch my caregiving technique, I wince at this. Yes, I would throw my hands in the air in dramatic exasperation. “I can’t, I give up,” I would say, making for the bedroom door. You knowContinue reading “Quitting, is that really an option?”

Lying

In the universe of dementia caregivers, there is often a need to practice therapeutic lying. I have been a natural practitioner. The fibs were for the best. They were in place to protect, shield, and guide a quality of life for Burt. The things that mattered in our life were that Burt felt and wasContinue reading “Lying”

It’s coming to the end

Or, more accurately, Burt’s last 4 days Burt’s temperature was 102.1. I gave him some water which he sputtered over, coughing but swallowing it. I put a cold wet papertowel on his head. It dropped to 99.1. His arms are shaking. His lips are shaking. He opens his eyes and puts his lips on theContinue reading “It’s coming to the end”

Amazing

In Down down up, I made the case that there was no denying Burt’s impairments. He’s no longer tethered to his Wall Street past, except for his frequent talk of money and time. He doesn’t see the companion of his journey by his side but lives with lots of imagined company. (Let me clarify, althoughContinue reading “Amazing”

Figuring it out

Okay, this is a bit weird. One of my fears is that by the time I get the hang of caring for Burt, it will be too late. It’s a huge learning curve, at least for me. So many things to consider and do. I want him comfortable, safe, and secure. I want to love himContinue reading “Figuring it out”

In the public eye

This occurred to me today: It is not fair that I have violated Burt’s privacy in describing our journey. I have shared his delusions with you; I have lamented his decline; I have exposed his hallucinations; I have described his terrors and his joys. It should be enough that his Lewy Body Dementia diminishes him.Continue reading “In the public eye”

A new approach?

Whatever I do, he can do better (I believe this is attributable to the musical Annie Get Your Gun). I have mentioned the zig zagging that winds up hi-jacking every narrative. When I think I have a path out of a delusional trip that we’re on, I need to pause. It’s easy to let selfContinue reading “A new approach?”

Doubts

Burt’s asking me who I am is creating a fault line in my self- confidence. I mean, I am still pretty sure who I am. Just not always sure who he thinks I am. When it was clear, for instance, that his pushy wife was becoming a pain, I was able to own up. IContinue reading “Doubts”

It’s hard to imagine

My smart and capable husband is living in a world outside of my reality. Actually, outside of any reality. He has many wives, one of which he says is not nice to him. Guilty as charged. I direct him too much. Praise him too little. Worry that something will go awry. All of this singlyContinue reading “It’s hard to imagine”

So very, very slow

Every move, every change of venue, let’s say from the bedroom to the big brown chair, is a project. Burt notices my lack of patience for these life-altering transitions. “You’re not being nice,” he might say or more cuttingly “boy everybody here is so rotten.” Developing a “wait and let it develop” attitude might beContinue reading “So very, very slow”