Keeping memories alive requires little effort; something will spark recall; often it will be random. It also takes concentration as random things pop in then out. I regret the lapses as much as I treasure the remembrances. Let’s be frank, the lapses are far more wrenching. They bring out guilt– how could I forget? — missingContinue reading “Remembering”
Tag Archives: Emotions
Neglect
Sometimes, it feels like I am so torn up over the national outrage as it swirls around that I am not paying enough attention to my guy. Before you voice any alarm, know that I dearly love him. I will always tend to his needs. Love feeds and fuels me, so I am happy toContinue reading “Neglect”
Love is lovelier
Oh dear. The second time around. 🎼 For me, the second time is really the years after diagnosis and the symptoms. I am the second wife, but Burt is my first. And only. I know, I am laying it on with extra schmaltz. There is something to what I heard from a recently widowed LBDContinue reading “Love is lovelier”
The honeymoon is over
It’s not for me. I am saddened and relieved that I am no longer the most important person in Burt’s life. No, there isn’t anyone else, although during Lewy’s tenure, he’s had infatuations. Early in the journey, he asked our lawyer about divorce so he could date one of his caregivers. Why not? She wasContinue reading “The honeymoon is over”
Slipping away
I hear myself saying, “I love you, truly, madly, deeply.” Why am I always quoting, inserting film titles or song lyrics?, I ask myself with mild annoyance at the habit of anchoring my affections in cultural history. I think it’s to acknowledge how normal it is. To love and to care, to adore the manContinue reading “Slipping away”
We traveled a little
Burt had many anxieties when we first met, had had them for years. He feared train tunnels and getting stuck in them. He always faced his phobias. He planned trips for us, often by train. In fact, trains became our favorite mode of transportation. Our trips were special. We went to Mystic and spent aContinue reading “We traveled a little”
Here’s where the focus shifts
Burt is having more interactions with hallucinatory visitors these days. He experiences delusions and a good deal of confusion. This lessens his involvement and connection with those of us with him; the ones actually in the room. For instance, when I told him I was his wife and I was home with him, he said,Continue reading “Here’s where the focus shifts”
His decline. My denial
Oh, that famous river is always right over my shoulder. Is it my heart that keeps me from accepting the inevitability of this disease? Burt has been declining, as in sooo much more confused, delusions and hallucinating to beat_the_band. He also is often sleeping more, although the fact that he’s up half the night contributes.Continue reading “His decline. My denial”
Will this be useful?
My therapist gave me a list of feelings to try to refine my self-assessment. I should look at & consult. What can sadness and sorrow mean or incorporate? I feel bored, too, and guilty for that and other lapses in my care.Worried falls under Fear for example. Guilt includes Regret Sorry Remorseful none of whichContinue reading “Will this be useful?”
this is our life 