Partners

The loss of a partner is a difficult loss. When your love has dementia the loss is kind of on-going.

He can’t provide the support he once did. He can’t be the partner he wants to be. Burt is constantly saying “if you have a problem, come to me.” He is sincere, but he can’t be of any real help.

He wants to be chivalrous. “If anyone gives you any trouble, I’ll take care of it. I’ll tell them off, in a nice way,” he says. This display of chivalry is just one clue as to how little he can do. It’s sweet. And comical. And sad.

Today I am mourning this loss in the strangest context.

It’s time to set back our clocks. This would be a joint project spearheaded by him. I am stressing over the loss of an hour (or is it a gain?) (Or does it not matter)?

Time is something that has slipped by him so I am very time-sensitive.

He has trouble telling time on his beautiful watch. Time has little sense in his world these days. He wonders why we can’t watch an 8pm TV show at 9. To him there is no illogic in this question.

Day and night were a bigger jumble earlier in his disease. That confusion led to sleepless nights. We have so much of it straightened out now. And yet, the loss is so present.

Setting back the clocks tonight, there’s a timely reminder.