Why, indeed

My struggles this Friday afternoon, facing a weekend alone with my cranky love, focus on figuring out why going out into a beautiful sunny day causes so much agitation.

The agitation makes me fear for his safety and my ability to assure his welfare. I am worried whether I  can provide him the best care.

It was a sudden fit of agitation that caused him to fall two weeks ago. He was eager to get out after a long period indoors. As we got into the lobby, his mood took a sudden turn. [See, I’m so emotional, baby, for more.]

His distress was clear, although I didn’t see his reaction coming til it was too late. Once outside, I thought my calm* tone could soothe Burt and direct him to a quiet sunny spot for a rest.

* Yes, that is I Tamara, who remained calm.. well up until he fell and even then. I had a lot of help from our friends in our building.

He responded by shaking his walker and pushing it into a barrier wall. He succeeded in knocking himself over.

Fortunately, he was not hurt except for a scrape on his leg. Fortunately, our neighbors came to the rescue. Many of our neighbors.

I am grateful to each and to all.

My conundrum is as to why going for a walk can cause Burt so much upset.

He reacted in the same way today when his OT, aide, and I went out with him this afternoon.

He was cranky from the start. His OT and I were subject to his scorn and abuse. He said his feet and his legs hurt. He said he was never going out again.

Only his aide escaped his displeasure. His general anger worried me so much that I wasn’t sure I would make it back home without the aid of his carer.

She kindly proffered her help.

Again, I am grateful.