It’s never too late

The jingle about Jello Instant Pudding® is running through my head right now, but honestly this is a serious post about a serious question.

The other night, Burt, in the midst of his confusion, was lamenting how “sick” he feels.

My response was to tell him that whatever was bothering him, hurting him and upsetting him, we were in it together.

I repeated this little mantra many times.

I have often said that Burt’s LBD is a disease built for two. Any one with a spouse with dementia is in that very situation. We do go on with our lives while caregiving, but our lives are informed by our beloved’s dementia.

I felt like I had not said it often enough when he was a bit more cogent. We are in this together.

You should also know that the evening’s complaint included a “you did this to me” blame as in it’s you who are making me sick.

I would classify this accusation as part of his confusion; a little bit of the monument of distrust he’s built around our relationship.

Add to that the fact that he thinks his wife is never here no matter how much I insist I am. Right here. I am holding your hand, I will say, and he says go get her, bring her here.

The question: is it too late? Are my reassurances for him? Are they just for me? Did I miss the lifeboat, the moment we could fully share his distress?

Do I continue to reassure him? Me? Us?

We are in this together. We are!