Endings

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

It felt odd sharing news of Burt’s death in an email or text. It was odd having that news to share.

He lived large and well right up to his last few days. Even during 4, nearly 5 years with dementia he found pleasure in connecting with people, and delight in making as many connections as possible.

His world shrank dramatically in the last days as he seemed to physically shrink and as he struggled sleeping and breathing but no longer connecting.

On Tuesday morning, he’d had enough and was ready to go. His final journey was over in just four days.

The chances are that I will continue to write about Burt’s struggles as I heal from my loss of him. Heal is the wrong word and so is reel to be honest, although reeling is a sensation I feel.

It hurts but it’s not a pain you want to cure. It will dull on its own and I will rejoice at my good fortune just because I knew him. It was a privilege that I could hold onto him as long as I did.

Then, as the grieving fades, I’ll have memories of that good fortune and my privilege to have loved him and to have been loved by him.

I learned that compassion and love can live with greater intensity next to loss and fear.

He showed me how to face fear and soldier on. I had knowledge about Lewy Body because I had researched his dementia; he was facing the unknown.

I learned what bravery was from Burt and gained strength from his bravery along our journey together.