Resilient: hey, tough guy
Burt in dementia was clearly and increasingly vulnerable. His losses were evident, yet, through it all, he maintained a resilience that served him well. I thought I was steering the ship but my captain somehow kept his hand on the rudder. We bobbed through troubled waters with Burt somehow maintaining an even keel.
I say his resilience served him well, but really I benefited from his willingness to stay strong and tough when and as long as he could. I believe with all the leap of faith in me that he knew where the end was and went on to the end courageously in his own time. I wish him a safe harbor after his travails.
The changes this disease brings!
As the disease goes on, you realize that there’s a sense of rapid acceleration. Every day feels like something changed and many – not every- changes are a challenge.
Burt was often a new man, a different man one morning to the next.
Confusion when it rampaged made the differences more pronounced. I had time, and the resources he had lost, to adapt.
Burt’s illness left me a more compassionate person. I had to cut him all the slack in the world; in part, because it was best practice for dealing with someone with dementia; it was also out of a recognition of his fragility.
Burt was vulnerable and I took it upon myself to care for him. If I was to look after him, I had to do it out of a place of caring. I am thankful that I found that place in myself.
We are not tough guys in a knife fight, you know. We are all human and need each other’s kindness to thrive. Burt helped me find that better part of me.
Abandonment/Surrendor
We were chatting before our writing session came together. One thing led to another and that was the Tarot, The Hanging Man, Le Pendu.
It’s a rakish card, actually, suspended feet hung up, but quite at ease. It’s actually The Hanged Man, and ironically or forebodingly it’s about letting go. Surrender.
Surrender does not equal giving up. It is not about abandoning the project that is life. Surrender is the ease of acceptance.
Abandonment plays its own part in getting us to acceptance. We abandon, let go, but we don’t give up, and find ourselves able to surrender.
this is our life 