The journey

As Burt’s dementia proceeded, I noticed aspects of his character I had not noticed or paid attention to while he was well.

These were not new; it was what he’d always had to offer. I just hadn’t noticed or paid attention to them before.

His illness put me more in tune with him. Honestly, I was kind of studying him for clues to what was going on with him and how to react.

I knew that Burt wasn’t macho, for instance, but I hadn’t realized how much I liked that about him.

He had always had a sentimental streak. I hadn’t valued it when he had been healthy. I tend to be matter of fact and this sweetness was strange to me.

Burt cared about me and that’s what came off as mushy. It was sincere and heartfelt; it was a lovely loving trait.

That sentimental side was not reserved just for me. He showed concern about all the people he liked.

He wanted to take care of others. I guess you would say he was protective. I realized when he got sick how much he had taken care of me. And how much I missed that.

There was also some evidence that sweet was not a word easily associated with my guy.

He was sentimental but maybe a tad brusque. Despite his difficult behaviors, in dementia, actually he was sweet.

Let me get mushy at this point. I loved Burt with every fiber of my being. That love sustained me as things got tough and Lewy Body took its toll.

As time passed, I saw that he was curious, always wanting to know exactly how everything worked. When he’d been well, I found the questioning a bit annoying.

He always had good instincts both about people and situations. When he became ill, and was losing his faculties, I could still rely on some of his intuitions to guide me.

I appreciated him more as we traveled our journey. I think it was because I took more time to understand what he was all about. I focused on him in a way I would never have focused on well Burt.

I miss Burt intensely and I am also grateful for our journey. It was in the years we spent with dementia that I learned so much: about Burt, about myself, about love.