I do

While I was in the midst of caregiving, an acquaintance suggested I pursue a flirtation I had mentioned to her.

“Don’t think of it as cheating,” she advised. Of course, I would. And of course, in its way, it was not. Well, yes, strictly speaking, of course it was.

This is a delicate point as our spouses are not the people to whom we’d pledged our vows.  The illness changes everything.

Yet, I was still married. I took my vows, in sickness or in health, (and acted on them) with complete seriousness.

Caregiving was an expression of my devotion. It was also their fulfillment.

As the disease progressed, we no longer have a physical relationship. If I had been younger, the temptation to step out might have been more pressing. It’s a sensitive (and, of course, utterly personal) subject.

If I had been younger, perhaps, caregiving might not have taken so much of my energy. I don’t know how I would have acted. It is, as I said, a completely personal decision.

It is, as are all things in a caregiver’s life, not something open to judgement or censor.