Grief and Healing – this is our life

A playlist

This is a little grieving guideline I want to share with you: Music was a tool that helped us even out the mood with our loved ones while we cared for them. I heard that music that Burt had enjoyed would be best. Now that he’s gone, I again am turning to songs from aContinue reading “A playlist”

I am so touched

Scrolling through the photos in my phone always brings me to a smile worthy memory. Below, for instance, is one of his Madeleine moments which I may be more tickled by from a prejudiced love of the guy with the cookie. It’s equally nice to remember a Burt from before, and my scroll helps jogContinue reading “I am so touched”

Musing

Today, I was thinking, with a bit of regret, that over the years I had not told Burt that he was handsome. This twinge was triggered by a poem in which I called him “my handsome man.” Isn’t it too late to let him know now? My regret is only half serious. Burt knew howContinue reading “Musing”

Grief, grieving

Is it possible to turn grief into grievance? I accept that grieving has no timeline; I don’t want to shoo my grief away. In a way, it’s my grief that honors Burt. So what am I talking about? Is it the sense that long term grief is a kind of wallowing? Yes, that is partContinue reading “Grief, grieving”

A last goodbye

As I opened the envelope from Krtil, I held my breath. Inside was a certificate ascertaining the latitude and longitude at which Burt’s cremated remains were set into the ocean. I had dropped that paper into a drawer so quickly that it took me a full 24 hours for it to register. The “it” thatContinue reading “A last goodbye”

In a world gone mad

In a world gone mad, perhaps No madder, crazier than it has Been building – puffing itself up To, a world askew, I dream of You sitting by my left shoulder, When I awake disappointed to Find you gone, this feels sane, Missing you in a world turned Mad by liars, confidence men, Swindlers andContinue reading “In a world gone mad”

If only we could

There are moments in my grief that I just want Burt back. I wish he were here. It’s an ache in my bones, my heart, behind my eyes. I know it is just grief and missing him, that hurt I am feeling. He’s better off, given the progression of his illness. It was time. But,Continue reading “If only we could”

Some days

My grief regimen has been to keep really busy. There are some days that the activities don’t take me out in the whirlwind. I was feeling guilty those days, and then I thought, Why? It’s ok to stay home listening to an audio book or podcasts, writing or drawing. It’s ok to just be. AtContinue reading “Some days”

Grieving the loss

Caregiving is the hardest job I ever had. Or, it was until Burt died and I suddenly had a much harder job. This, like my caring for him, is truly a labor of love. The work of missing Burt involves the pleasure of remembering him. It’s a consolation prize but not really a prize sinceContinue reading “Grieving the loss”

So many reminders

Thank you, Burton Missing Burt has been a natural if sad pastime; these last couple of months, the memory of him has accompanied me as I once again roam our town. I tread the paths we walked over the years. Yesterday, I felt like he was definitely with me in familiar and some new places.Continue reading “So many reminders”