memento – this is our life

25 years later

Our wedding pictures, blown up to 12x14s, are pinned to the wall by the dining counter. They’re there because at some point Burt wasn’t sure of who I was. This was a Visual Aid. The problem was that at that point neither of us looked like we did on the day that we wed. TheContinue reading “25 years later”

Burt over the years

The picture top left just turned up in my phone. I was just noodling and this photo from 2006 popped up. Burt in front of Peking ducks is a long forgotten restaurant. It’s the only photo I (and you) had not seen before.

Thinking about

Blogging about Burt feels self- aggrandizing. Sometimes, at any rate. Not writing about him feels negligent. Like only the blog will document who he was to me. In the context of our life together, it doesn’t matter how others will remember him. As his wife, I temper all of the difficult, easy, caring devotion withContinue reading “Thinking about”

Blame takes a turn

While I’m on the subject, I realize that I can not only blame Burt for his illness. I can pin his death on him, too. He got sick. I adjusted. It was hard. It felt like a different kind of leaving every day. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Burt died. He left me. ThatContinue reading “Blame takes a turn”

Blame

The subject of blame is proving an inspiration of sorts. I know that blaming Burt for his illness is [was] ridiculous. I also know that it was not an absurd reaction. I bet that if your spouse received a dementia diagnosis, you might be angry. Not just at the diagnosis but also at him/her. IContinue reading “Blame”

Blameless

Burt, due to his diagnosis, has been blameless. Lewy comes with a pass and Lewy was with us for the past five years. Leave it to me to feel that there is significance in my faulting him for the soap dishes. I had allowed for the normal irritation at a spouse who made an errantContinue reading “Blameless”

Blaming gaming

Burt brought home these metal soap dishes; they were handsome until water hit them, then they rusted. I blamed Burt for their high maintenace needs and the ugly stains their little red-blistered bottoms left behind. This morning as I moved a dish to try to clean under it, I realized that I still blame him.Continue reading “Blaming gaming”