Every day is different after the loss of Burt; it’s not just in the sense of the cliché. As a widow, the differences in the days are linked to memory and mood. It is a matter of the ebbs and floods of sorrow and acceptance. The holidays are notorious for being harder when a lovedContinue reading “Coming to terms”
Category Archives: mourning
Musing
Today, I was thinking, with a bit of regret, that over the years I had not told Burt that he was handsome. This twinge was triggered by a poem in which I called him “my handsome man.” Isn’t it too late to let him know now? My regret is only half serious. Burt knew howContinue reading “Musing”
Why am I?
Why are we so obsessed with the end, with being there when our loved one passes? I say “we,” but I am asking “Why am I reliving the end?” Why am I upset that I was not on the scene when Burt died? I say “we” because I think it’s a universal distress. I wasn’tContinue reading “Why am I?”
Re-telling
It seems that I am covering the same ground in my posts lately. A few from the last couple of days, in commemoration of six months since Burt’s passing, repeat many stories I have told you. Some of those are running on a loop, looking for answers. I know there are no answers and thatContinue reading “Re-telling”
Grieving
At the recommendation of a friend, I started reading [aka, listening to] Geraldine Brooks’ Memorial Days. [I am rewarded for my new audio gal habit by listening to the author herself.] All those asides are beside the point. Brooks’ says early on that she did not grieve fully for her husband because society has devaluedContinue reading “Grieving”
Blame takes a turn
While I’m on the subject, I realize that I can not only blame Burt for his illness. I can pin his death on him, too. He got sick. I adjusted. It was hard. It felt like a different kind of leaving every day. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Burt died. He left me. ThatContinue reading “Blame takes a turn”
Grieving
There are so many words but I have only used loss; I’ve only Said “I’m mourning” or “I mourn” I have said “I miss you” and I’ve Mentioned that as I missed you, You were also missing. I knew You were lost and losing little Bits of yourself over time which I noticed you hadContinue reading “Grieving”
A last goodbye
As I opened the envelope from Krtil, I held my breath. Inside was a certificate ascertaining the latitude and longitude at which Burt’s cremated remains were set into the ocean. I had dropped that paper into a drawer so quickly that it took me a full 24 hours for it to register. The “it” thatContinue reading “A last goodbye”
Quiet
The house is very empty without Burt’s presence. After he passed, I changed its configuration, flipping bedroom for livingroom. There is a kind of hush over both rooms. In many ways, it doesn’t feel like it was his house these last few years. Well, that’s not completely true; actually the big brown chair – hisContinue reading “Quiet”
Supporting
Healing after losing the one you love is not really about moving on. It’s about honoring and it’s about remembering. It’s also about finding joy. A word I am flinging around these days as if it were a flag to the future. It is important. Significantly, it also helps to continue to support others goingContinue reading “Supporting”
this is our life 