No, not a form of new age writing, just a poem which in our current context is sad. I envy you,remembering theaddresses of yourchildhood I remember nothingNot even grudges orThe names of friends or neighbors If memory is all we haveI have only you and ouryears togetherI remember all thatEvery touch, every tender moment MemoriesContinue reading “Found poetry”
Category Archives: Sadness
A deep dive
In the abstract, I am fascinated by the mechanisms of Burt’s disease. In reality, the manifestations of Lewy Body are overwhelmingly sad. Trying to deduce patterns is part of my close study into all things Burt. I want to see what prompts his irrational conclusions and how his fantasies develop. There probably is no pattern,Continue reading “A deep dive”
A poem
It was, well still is, a beautiful Day, full of autumn’s promise,Crisp with expectation. I amSorry you missed it, my love.Staying inside, sluggish withYour special imaginings andDisconnected from seasonsAs they pass. I so want youPresent and here with me inThe warm of fall as it beginsTo cool. It’s a season I haveAlways enjoyed most ofContinue reading “A poem”
Projections
The other morning, Burt told me that I was losing my mind. I was saddened by his matter of fact tone as much as by the message. He had some additional wisdom when he informed me that going to the gym was killing me. Delusional trains chug through our days and evenings. In the earlyContinue reading “Projections”
Emotions
I have talked about how emotional Burt has been. Lewy Body Dementia is often described as a roller coaster (hate ’em) because of fluctuating symptoms and variable every thing. It’s also a roller coaster of moods that can shift in a minute or a heartbeat or an hour. For him, I would think those changesContinue reading “Emotions”
It’s more than just the symptoms
In the beginning, I only saw the symptoms. I protected us from the damaging effects of his impulsiveness, poor judgment, and diminished cognition. When he was aggressive, I did what I could so he didn’t hurt himself, me, or others. I met his agitation with the “I’m sorries” I had learned from counselors easing meContinue reading “It’s more than just the symptoms”
Throwbacks
This many years in, I have assured lots of precautions will keep us financially safe. And me in control. We have the requisite legal papers in place as well. Despite that, when Burt, in a flashback to earlier capabilities, said, “I’ve never lost money,” there was a little shiver of fear. He was urging investments,Continue reading “Throwbacks”
Why, indeed
Atilla My Hon after his exertions (aka tantrums and unpleasantness) on an outing this afternoon. My struggles this Friday afternoon, facing a weekend alone with my cranky love, focus on figuring out why going out into a beautiful sunny day causes so much agitation. The agitation makes me fear for his safety and my abilityContinue reading “Why, indeed”
A deep dive
Burt’s dementia started with explosive symptoms from the get-go. He was listless for a while but quickly proceeded to mimic schizophrenia. [This in no way excuses the doctor who offered this up as a diagnosis. As the neurologist’s team said 80 year olds don’t suddenly become schizophrenic.] These next phases included delusions and Capgras Syndrome.Continue reading “A deep dive”
A new low
Every progression brings a new dread. Burt has Lewy Body. I remind myself, and things could stabilize or revert to an earlier…. There was a glimmer of that last night. For all his earnest outpouring of ideas and his studied tone, most of his talk made no sense. As it is so often these days,Continue reading “A new low”
this is our life 