This is what I shared with a group of my fellow LBD spouses about our 32nd anniversary: It’s the anniversary we’re not celebrating this Friday. I am so glad we did have his 84th surprise party and my birthday with friends when he was able to engage and enjoy. Burt’s current downturn makes those recent celebrationsContinue reading “Bitter Sweet”
Tag Archives: #challenges
My gratitude journey
A few short months have passed since I thrilled at how well Burt was doing. He truly enjoyed his surprise birthday. That was in November when a group gathering to celebrate him was a very welcome experience. He made it through my birthday party in early February. It made his decline by the middle ofContinue reading “My gratitude journey”
Why, indeed
Atilla My Hon after his exertions (aka tantrums and unpleasantness) on an outing this afternoon. My struggles this Friday afternoon, facing a weekend alone with my cranky love, focus on figuring out why going out into a beautiful sunny day causes so much agitation. The agitation makes me fear for his safety and my abilityContinue reading “Why, indeed”
His job search
Burt has obsessed about working for a while now. I was encouraged this morning when he seemed ready to relinquish his dream of a job. Like everything in our lives these days that didn’t last long. He developed a new interest in taking in laundry after that and conflated his cousin with the guy whoContinue reading “His job search”
Hallucinations
Well, yes, it is a good thing that they’re not scary. Burt’s hallucinations are mostly benign. A group of pals and co- workers he’s gathered into our home. They make him feel connected, I think, and less alone. His dreams and delusions seem, on the other hand, to be frightening. He is always lost withoutContinue reading “Hallucinations”
Party? Not right now
I am about to cancel a party I planned for our 32nd anniversary. Parties have been good to (and for) us this past year. Burt loved his 84th surprise birthday gathering. People interested him, and it was a lively event. He insisted I should have one, too, and was able to enjoy the crowd. TheContinue reading “Party? Not right now”
Bluey
I started watching cartoons with Burt because they were colorful with plots that were easy to follow. The default mode for him is to misinterpret much of the action anyway. His “favorites” like Law and Order were too complex. And for my two-cents too violent. I worry about how he’s processing events on Columbo. WeContinue reading “Bluey”
Saints and sinners
The things that annoyed you when he was well will still be maddening when he’s ill. You are not a saint, and your spouse’s diagnosis does not make you supra- human. Leave the saints to religion and on tapestries at the Cloisters. Cheerful caregiving is an art and an act. You can do it. YouContinue reading “Saints and sinners”
In his shoes
It was a purely serendipitous occurrence. I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I leave the lights off, not to disturb Burt. My hand accidentally brushed against the switch. I turned it off again, and the sudden darkness blinded me. I reached for what I thought was theContinue reading “In his shoes”
Is there anything harder?
Watching your love wallowing in confusion, delusion, and hallucination is hard. Even heartbreaking. Hearing that somewhere in there, he knows of what he suffers is worse. His understanding may lack exactitude and science, but he is aware. Commiseration is the best and the least I can do. Knowledge of his condition is imperfect in everyContinue reading “Is there anything harder?”
this is our life 