There is a compulsion inherent in Burt ‘s symptoms. Erratic behavior and disorganized thought lead him into patterns. We bounce back and forth between adulation and despair. The hallucinations are so much a must-be that it brought us into a fascinating discussion the other day. Burt told me that he thinks there wasn’t a fireContinue reading “Birds gotta”
Tag Archives: #emotional
Burdens. Joys.
Gratitude is a “thing” for the 2020s Era, but it is also a very powerful tool. This way of seeing and being opens us up to joy and enjoyment. I feel free to be grateful even for my sadness and my sorrow. With that, I feel even greater gratitude for pleasures, joys, and enjoyments. BurtContinue reading “Burdens. Joys.”
Dementia in the news
Sandra Day O’Connor died several weeks ago of complications from dementia. Rosalynn Carter was 96 when she passed and had suffered from dementia as well. These days dementia is often the diagnosis. Sandra Day O’Connor had made “dementia” news before. When her husband was in memory care, he began an affair with a woman atContinue reading “Dementia in the news”
Intensity
There are lots of experiences and feelings I won’t share with you here. They are genuinely intense and hard to communicate to anyone who is not in the throes of caregiving. Those of you who are, have seen many of the toughest spots. Burt’s difficult behaviors always throw me for a loop and threaten myContinue reading “Intensity”
Per usual
It’s a premise I have advanced here before. Burt is a flurry of emotions; it’s a symptom of his disease. To say his moods are changeable is putting it mildly. When I came home from my outings today, for instance, he told me how rotten I had been this morning. After a PT session, heContinue reading “Per usual”
Getting to know you
I have focused on finding the Burt I know within the damaged man he’s become. Today, I realized that I needed to also look at who he is. It’s time to get to know my Burt as he is now. Getting to know him entails accepting the change. I know, I know he has dementiaContinue reading “Getting to know you”
What can I say?
Burt had a miserable day with his aide, I should say substitute aide yesterday. He was agitated. He was nasty. He threatened the police. The trigger is hard to pinpoint. Substitute might be a part of it. She told him no. He doesn’t like no. Our regular carer texted the night before and said sheContinue reading “What can I say?”
More of Less
There is something both cute and heartbreaking when he says “my big chair” with the possessive enthusiasm of a child. This disease hurts every day in every way. It’s full of cuts to the heart, like when you find yourself taking pride in his remembering what day it is. Where is the smart, savvy, resourcefulContinue reading “More of Less”
Mellower
Me. Not he. I have become a less bristly me since Burt was diagnosed. Oh, yes, I panicked at first. He was so listless. Now his moods (for examples etc. see I’m so emotional…) give him plenty of volatility to play with. There are lulls, and he can be calm and kind. I was alwaysContinue reading “Mellower”
Up up down up
Burt had two days of the grumps following our outing to the Thanksgiving Dinner and Dance. I realized this was a smaller version of the reaction I had read about, the slide that follows a big event. It was mild if unpleasant. On Wednesday, he told me what he liked about his aide was thatContinue reading “Up up down up”
this is our life 