We need to grieve our sorrow. So do our sweethearts who are afflicted. I specifically said “sorrow” rather than sadness. It’s a deeper and more encompassing emotion. It seems that as his disease progresses, Burt grieves less. He appears to be less aware of his situation; if that is so, I am glad for him.Continue reading “Sadness, no Sorrow”
Tag Archives: #self-awareness
Defiance
Burt is pretty much in his own world. As long as the hallucinations aren’t scary, I am told there’s no need for me to fret. Or medicate. We shall see. The multiple mes disturb and unnerve me. Other aspects are amusing. Burt tried to send me on an errand the other night. When I said,Continue reading “Defiance”
Throwbacks
This many years in, I have assured lots of precautions will keep us financially safe. And me in control. We have the requisite legal papers in place as well. Despite that, when Burt, in a flashback to earlier capabilities, said, “I’ve never lost money,” there was a little shiver of fear. He was urging investments,Continue reading “Throwbacks”
Birds gotta
There is a compulsion inherent in Burt ‘s symptoms. Erratic behavior and disorganized thought lead him into patterns. We bounce back and forth between adulation and despair. The hallucinations are so much a must-be that it brought us into a fascinating discussion the other day. Burt told me that he thinks there wasn’t a fireContinue reading “Birds gotta”
Sharing
Burt just asked one of our neighbors if he knew about his dementia. Of course he did. Burt said, “It’s the worst.” Our kind neighbor said,”Yes.” Recently, I wondered what Burt’s understanding of his disease actually means. I guess I am trying to fathom how deeply he comprehends that he has a brain disease. HisContinue reading “Sharing”
Aspirational
Let me confess that I am aspiring to a better path on this journey. I am far from treading that road. I boss him. He hates that. When he “throws me out,” instead of saying “never,” I say “OK see you around.” I need to say “I will never ever leave you.” Not only isContinue reading “Aspirational”
What can I say?
Burt had a miserable day with his aide, I should say substitute aide yesterday. He was agitated. He was nasty. He threatened the police. The trigger is hard to pinpoint. Substitute might be a part of it. She told him no. He doesn’t like no. Our regular carer texted the night before and said sheContinue reading “What can I say?”
One day at a time
This cliche of better living is a caveat not just for members of the 12-step community but for anyone wishing to enjoy a more balanced life. Ironically, it is in the throes of my husband’s difficult diagnosis that I found a way towards “living in the moment.” At first, I was thrown by every changeContinue reading “One day at a time”
Burt’s p.o.v.
The last couple of days, he’s brooding over how long he has left to live. He says 28 but means 2028, which is 8 years after his dx in 2020. I say no one can predict, and 8 years might be an average. My husband is a brooder. Before his diagnosis, he tended to beContinue reading “Burt’s p.o.v.”
From the other’s perspective
It’s easier to speak of the “job” we do as caregivers and how hard things are for us. It’s more of a heartbreak seeing things from the point of view of our beloved. Dementia is very hard on them. My husband explains that he has a brain disease to people he knows. Sometimes, he isContinue reading “From the other’s perspective”
this is our life 