therealtamara

Grief

Your mind on grief is suffering from trauma. Any caregiver with a loved one captured by dementia knows grief from diagnosis on. In my case, I was grieving for the past 5+ years. One morning shortly after Burt’s passing, I awoke to a my I have been under strain moment. Some awakening. It comes withContinue reading “Grief”

As I enjoyed the fantastic Max Pollak Group tap, I had the memory of Burt tapping along as we watched a dancer on tv. He was seated in his big brown chair. His feet were dancing along. Burt loved tap dancing. He would have loved this show. In some ways, he was there enjoying withContinue reading

Busy

Keeping busy helps me work through my grief. It also takes me away from the business of my grieving. Grief need not be avoided and often the busy-ness of my days skirts the pain of my grieving. While Burt was ailing busy was intricate to mourning. There was a relentless gradual loss. Now, busy isContinue reading “Busy”

Like the two-step

QuickQuickSlow: it’s not a dance, my darling. Wish it were. Looking back, the blur of our journey as we trudged, loped and galloped along is confusing. Is it surprising that an illness characterized by confusion would cause confusion? Create it for the travelers as they travailed its inconsistencies? The one who is well as muchContinue reading “Like the two-step”

Crossing 67th. Etc

As the day passes Some pictures I took of him when we were watching the river:

The Park

My friend greeted me by the lobby door and said go to the park, everything’s in bloom. Good plan for this aimless Easter Sunday. My route was to come in at 67th. And there were the memories. Burt and I frequented The Park. My path today was full of old stories. My Sunday in theContinue reading “The Park”

Bubbling up

Two weeks before my planned celebration to honor Burt, I find little reminders in his honor. I am organizing my living space, with no wish to eliminate any of the reminders. You might argue that disposing of Burt’s jackets and sneakers can be seen as a way of eliminating reminders. Throwing out his things isContinue reading “Bubbling up”

Back to basics

It would be impossible to survive this journey without love, or kindness, or compassion. I have held firm in this belief from the beginning. I now know how much love, kindness and compassion can buoy me in grief as well. The fourth pillar of caregiving is respite. Proper time for the carer to fuel andContinue reading “Back to basics”

Coincidence

Getting ready for a shredding event, as I cleaned out papers, I found Burt’s discharge from rehab. The date was, apparently 2/25/2023, just two years to the day before his death this year. A coincidence that I found such a jolting reminder. I had completely forgotten the exact date when he’d come home. It feltContinue reading “Coincidence”

Tickaboom

Burt loved tickets. I think I have shared the joke before: he said he liked getting tickets better than going to the show. Be that as it may, we went to most of the shows for which we had tickets. Tickets were a big deal and I think it had to do with his childhood.Continue reading “Tickaboom”