There is actually a name for what your loved one with dementia is going through when s/he first denies the diagnosis. It’s not denial but something like a not knowing. My sincere hope at that point was that Burt would know, that he would understand. If he accepted the dementia, we could work together onContinue reading “What was I thinking”
Category Archives: #delusions
Amazing
In Down down up, I made the case that there was no denying Burt’s impairments. He’s no longer tethered to his Wall Street past, except for his frequent talk of money and time. He doesn’t see the companion of his journey by his side but lives with lots of imagined company. (Let me clarify, althoughContinue reading “Amazing”
A timeline
Burt had a sudden downturn starting in October. Although I have documented Burt’s decline, I am still unsure of the actual events. His decline has been incremental and gradual. It has also come on suddenly, precipitously and unexpectedly. In October, things like confusion and hallucinations seemed more noticeable. Soon thereafter, one of his aides andContinue reading “A timeline”
Daydreaming
Burt always was a daydreaming kind of guy. I’ve been saying he wasn’t an imaginative guy, but clearly, he always was. In those days it was clear to him that he’d been imagining he was managing the Mets. It was cute that he insisted they also hire me. He knew fantasy from reality. Now, heContinue reading “Daydreaming”
Burt says
Marriage is hard. First, you have to love the person and then it’s a lot of work. Burt advises some “friends.” His conclusion is that all “those 30 people over there” will think twice about getting married. He was having a lucid, although clearly not hallucination-free, morning. I value the days when he knows whoContinue reading “Burt says”
On Repeat
This is our life is getting to be a bit repetitious. We manufacture our own excitement when dealing with Lewy but there’s all that shucking and diving, ducking and jiving. And lots of calls to say again. On Saturday I ignored Burt who did not settle down again last night and listened to 2 ConanContinue reading “On Repeat”
One thing
It’s never just one thing. We are all of us, those afflicted with Lewy, those caring for them, those without a care in the world, complex human beings. My honey’s fractured brain sees the fractures and dichotomies. He splits them up, breaks us into compartments of good and bad, nice and not nice. For him,Continue reading “One thing”
A new approach?
Whatever I do, he can do better (I believe this is attributable to the musical Annie Get Your Gun). I have mentioned the zig zagging that winds up hi-jacking every narrative. When I think I have a path out of a delusional trip that we’re on, I need to pause. It’s easy to let selfContinue reading “A new approach?”
Aggression
“So,” she asked, trying to put it tactfully. “Is Burt ever, how do I say it, does he lash out?” Oh, yes, that famous Lewy Body aggressivity. It’s why an agency felt they had to deny services. Burt is, as I like to say, performatively belligerent. Of course, he is, but he does lash out.Continue reading “Aggression”
Projections
The other morning, Burt told me that I was losing my mind. I was saddened by his matter of fact tone as much as by the message. He had some additional wisdom when he informed me that going to the gym was killing me. Delusional trains chug through our days and evenings. In the earlyContinue reading “Projections”
this is our life 