My views on marriage were a bit more open than not. I was a 60s hippie-adjacent sort, after all. Burt felt that the commitment was an important turning point. He proposed on the morning of his 51st birthday in 1990. In retrospect, from where I stand today, being married to Burt was the best thingContinue reading “Married Lady”
Category Archives: memories
Braving his fears
Burt had always seemed to be a “scaredy cat.” As his dementia progressed, he was fearful of the many dogs in our building. He would shoo them and then regret his rudeness and make his peace with their owners. He worried loudly when he participated in his PT or when we moved him in hisContinue reading “Braving his fears”
The reservoir
Today, I took a walk across the park for the first time in many years. It was inevitable that this trip would trigger memories of Burt and me. My path took me along the track by the reservoir, a route we had last walked together 8 years ago. I was pleased to be there withContinue reading “The reservoir”
Stages
The dawn is still beautiful. Is it allowed to be beautiful? Are there really stages of grief? I know there are because I have lived them once already. I am grieving all over for the same man I mourned before. My sorrow is not less now even though it is tinged with relief. I haveContinue reading “Stages”
Footwear
My photo albums show me my Burt fully animated, even mischievous. He was a contrarian and often impish. I loved his capricious humor. I loved him.
Now that you’re gone
This haunts me. Our first encounter with Capgras was both strange and amusing. Burt welcomed the imposter, an atypical response I suppose. In that early iteration, he wound up meeting 13 Tamaras. I remember one of our conversations during which I interjected our shared past at which Burt said “You’re a very nice person. IContinue reading “Now that you’re gone”
The Falcons
My friend J came to join me at a theater performance wearing a Falcons varsity jacket. Why is that significant? Unbeknownst to her, Burt and his highschool pals called themselves the Falcons. And, yes, they had varsity jackets. It’s possible that this one, found at a bin in a second hand store, could have belongedContinue reading “The Falcons”
Time spent together
Was Burt perfect? Well, of course. Oh, you’re serious. No, of course not. The moments I conjure now are perfect. The ones over the last years may also be tinged with sadness. Of course. The ones from before his sad long illness are glimpses into a happy life. Often they are little things that areContinue reading “Time spent together”
The theater
We were regulars on Broadway, off, off-off. We attended dance and jazz performances. We went to pop concerts and some opera. When I string that out like that, I wonder how we found the time. As he approached the beginnings of his dementia, sitting through a ballet or staying for a show became a challenge.Continue reading “The theater”
His story
There’s a lot of serendipity afloat at this end of our journey. I get glints from the universe that all provide points of light from Burt’s life. Or maybe, my experiences spur my memories. Memories are giving me context to our history, mine and Burt’s. I knew his background, I think, because Burt was alwaysContinue reading “His story”
this is our life 