There will be days like these.. the line is from a rock n roll song. My mama said… it goes on… and it is only a caption, not the whole story. More to the point, those of us who are mourning know that there will be bad days and better days. Sad days and betterContinue reading “Sadder”
Category Archives: #sorrow
Like the two-step
QuickQuickSlow: it’s not a dance, my darling. Wish it were. Looking back, the blur of our journey as we trudged, loped and galloped along is confusing. Is it surprising that an illness characterized by confusion would cause confusion? Create it for the travelers as they travailed its inconsistencies? The one who is well as muchContinue reading “Like the two-step”
Stages
The dawn is still beautiful. Is it allowed to be beautiful? Are there really stages of grief? I know there are because I have lived them once already. I am grieving all over for the same man I mourned before. My sorrow is not less now even though it is tinged with relief. I haveContinue reading “Stages”
Life, as it goes on
My life without Burt feels like it’s been severed in half. So I am living a half-life like a mineral. At least some of the time. His picture is all over the walls of our living room. I can admire his impish smile or his eager interest. I can remember when we went to thisContinue reading “Life, as it goes on”
Time
Time which I hoarded is now mine to squanderI have so much of it to fill at my leisure andCommand. I needed it when there was careAnd worry and doing so I set aside a block ofHours that were mine alone to fill with a lunchOr a Zumba class or, often with a learning ofHowContinue reading “Time”
The sun will
The last five years have been harder on me than I felt as they rolled along. Caregiving is an encompassing experience. It holds your focus; your loved one keeps you focused on doing for…. Burt was the center for my worry and care. I was a model for selfcare, I say with no boast orContinue reading “The sun will”
Sixth stage
When you’re caring for a person with dementia, you get to repeat the five stages of grief over and over. While your spouse is playing out his Groundhog Day, repeatedly wondering what time it is, you’re stuck in denial anger bargaining depression acceptance over and over. It’s not just sorrow (and surprise) as a newContinue reading “Sixth stage”
Community
My friend and neighbor D was one of those who watched over us. Another neighbor has been urging me to get a dog. She thinks a small dog would be best. She, as people do, really loves her dog. Burt had been fearful around dogs, and I think she took it a little personally whenContinue reading “Community”
Closure, ha!
My post on February 25, 2025 speaks of getting closure being dependent upon the funeral parlor taking possession of Burt’s body. That, in the retrospect of half a night’s sleep, is inaccurate and, well, bullshit. It closed my day and left me able to go downstairs. I wanted to see the doorman who had notContinue reading “Closure, ha!”
Morning musings
He falls asleep shortly after I feed him. While he eats, he has the penetrating look of a serious child. He chews slowly, with great deliberation. He grabs my hand, the one holding the bottle to his lips, when he drinks. It all breaks my heart. There is a picture of Burt at 16 sittingContinue reading “Morning musings”
this is our life 