I’ve already made my grieving more public than is seemly. I continue to mourn in writing as a heads up for those of you who may experience a similar circumstance. An unnecessary heads up, I admit. We all grieve differently. Also, we each face our grief differently at different times as we mourn. I feelContinue reading “This was our life”
Tag Archives: #grieving
Grief, grieving
Is it possible to turn grief into grievance? I accept that grieving has no timeline; I don’t want to shoo my grief away. In a way, it’s my grief that honors Burt. So what am I talking about? Is it the sense that long term grief is a kind of wallowing? Yes, that is partContinue reading “Grief, grieving”
Grieving
At the recommendation of a friend, I started reading [aka, listening to] Geraldine Brooks’ Memorial Days. [I am rewarded for my new audio gal habit by listening to the author herself.] All those asides are beside the point. Brooks’ says early on that she did not grieve fully for her husband because society has devaluedContinue reading “Grieving”
Love and marriage
We’ve talked about love during caregiving, but I have not been forthright about sex. We don’t talk about that in polite society as my mother would assert. A visiting carer who came by to see Burt was not so circumspect. She suggested I should connect with someone in circumstances like my own. “It’s not cheating,”Continue reading “Love and marriage”
Supporting
Healing after losing the one you love is not really about moving on. It’s about honoring and it’s about remembering. It’s also about finding joy. A word I am flinging around these days as if it were a flag to the future. It is important. Significantly, it also helps to continue to support others goingContinue reading “Supporting”
Some days
My grief regimen has been to keep really busy. There are some days that the activities don’t take me out in the whirlwind. I was feeling guilty those days, and then I thought, Why? It’s ok to stay home listening to an audio book or podcasts, writing or drawing. It’s ok to just be. AtContinue reading “Some days”
Mourning
I will mourn you when You’re gone, and those Rites of your passing Allow my grief out from The volcano the furnace The seismic pressure I am holding together While you live each day As less of who you are Diminished, diminishing Lost but still here, still Mine, not fully mine, and Not always lost.Continue reading “Mourning”
Grieving the loss
Caregiving is the hardest job I ever had. Or, it was until Burt died and I suddenly had a much harder job. This, like my caring for him, is truly a labor of love. The work of missing Burt involves the pleasure of remembering him. It’s a consolation prize but not really a prize sinceContinue reading “Grieving the loss”
To mourn
I browsed or breezed or picked my way through Lisa Keefauver’s breezy and very useful book on the art and science of mourning. Grief is a Sneaky Bitch is a title with an element of shock even for those like me who never hesitate to curse. Incidentally, if I weren’t inclined to language most foul,Continue reading “To mourn”
Bedbound
Burt’s choice to stay in his bed wasn’t really a choice. I had noticed a decline in the two months leading up to those last two months. Friends who came to celebrate his 85th birthday said he seemed less engaged. After that birthday party, he went out for ice cream in his wheelchair for theContinue reading “Bedbound”
this is our life 