#grieving – Page 2 – this is our life

Sorrow

Grief is not something you want to fix. I mean, I feel as if I am frequently trying to fix my saddness. It’s illogical. And not something I really want. Sorrow is an irrational passage. Grief is a process that like other life experiences yanks us in all directions and often doesn’t make sense. MourningContinue reading “Sorrow”

Sadder

There will be days like these.. the line is from a rock n roll song. My mama said… it goes on… and it is only a caption, not the whole story. More to the point, those of us who are mourning know that there will be bad days and better days. Sad days and betterContinue reading “Sadder”

Stages

The dawn is still beautiful. Is it allowed to be beautiful? Are there really stages of grief? I know there are because I have lived them once already. I am grieving all over for the same man I mourned before. My sorrow is not less now even though it is tinged with relief. I haveContinue reading “Stages”

All of a Sudden

Burt was my companion, my love, my guide, my partner, my pal for so many years and then he started withdrawing. That was not a conscious withdrawal but one he could not control. It was caused by the dementia that was also causing him to lose himself. Lost and not lost, as I have said,Continue reading “All of a Sudden”

Planning

Have I told you that my party plans for May 3rd have proven to be healing? The choice of venue is close and that pleases me. On my way home from a site visit, I said, smiling and speaking to myself alone Burt will be so surprised. Preparing to throw a celebration of his life isContinue reading “Planning”

Sixth stage

When you’re caring for a person with dementia, you get to repeat the five stages of grief over and over. While your spouse is playing out his Groundhog Day, repeatedly wondering what time it is, you’re stuck in denial anger bargaining depression acceptance over and over. It’s not just sorrow (and surprise) as a newContinue reading “Sixth stage”

2-25-2025 [to Burt]

My burden’s been lifted, orLessened. I search insteadFor the purpose I’ve lost orMisplaced. Caregiving is aJob or a job description, soOnce it passes you are noLonger giving care.The workIs over, finished, the burdenLifted, and you by definitionNo longer occupy that job.By definition caregiver doesNot define you, it is not whoYou are. It doesn’t define me.IContinue reading “2-25-2025 [to Burt]”