therealtamara

Theater, or

Whatever favored activity I will make the case for theater as a healing art for those of us grieving a loss as well as it may be for a nation in crisis. Theater does not stand alone in its healing powers. Dance, you bopping to a tune while mopping the floors, or the variety youContinue reading “Theater, or”

Like we used to do

It’s not a flippant thought, really; I do find Burt coming with me, tagging along as I wander the city. Some places bring me memories of us. Some are new to me and I feel like we are exploring. Like we used to do. It’s pleasing to imagine, for instance, that I am introducing BurtContinue reading “Like we used to do”

Grieving the loss

Caregiving is the hardest job I ever had. Or, it was until Burt died and I suddenly had a much harder job. This, like my caring for him, is truly a labor of love. The work of missing Burt involves the pleasure of remembering him. It’s a consolation prize but not really a prize sinceContinue reading “Grieving the loss”

Snarky

Thanks to Burt, I have become a kinder human being. Now that he is no longer around to mitigate my snarks, I find myself admonishing, oh shit that’s not nice.

Hats!

My friend ACJ said you got Burt a lot of hats. Well, his grandpa was a haberdasher. The other was a mason, but I never bought him a brick. Burt, it turns out, got me a lot of hats, too. From the selection as I rummaged this morning, I chose the peaky cap he’d gottenContinue reading “Hats!”

Found treasures

If you’ve been following along, you might recall that taking Burt to a park was my favorite project. Burt had always been- not in the flannel shirt/camping way but in the New York City style- an outdoors guy. He loved to walk. He and I loved sitting watching the river traffic pass. We had beenContinue reading “Found treasures”

So many reminders

Thank you, Burton Missing Burt has been a natural if sad pastime; these last couple of months, the memory of him has accompanied me as I once again roam our town. I tread the paths we walked over the years. Yesterday, I felt like he was definitely with me in familiar and some new places.Continue reading “So many reminders”

Once upon a time

Recollecting Burt’s time in the rehab center today gave me a little relief although the memory was hard. The fact that I could affirm that I stood for him when he needed my protection felt good. The nursing home-rehab was not a good place. I would not have placed Burt there over the long haul.Continue reading “Once upon a time”

Got you covered

On Sunday, I wore the hat Burt bought me on the UWS when we were walking on Broadway; it had started to drizzle, no rain just a dampness. He got me a cap at one of those emporia near 72nd Street. It was expensive by my standards of headgear. It was not a street vendor’sContinue reading “Got you covered”

To mourn

I browsed or breezed or picked my way through Lisa Keefauver’s breezy and very useful book on the art and science of mourning. Grief is a Sneaky Bitch is a title with an element of shock even for those like me who never hesitate to curse. Incidentally, if I weren’t inclined to language most foul,Continue reading “To mourn”