TheRealTamara

Blame takes a turn

While I’m on the subject, I realize that I can not only blame Burt for his illness. I can pin his death on him, too. He got sick. I adjusted. It was hard. It felt like a different kind of leaving every day. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Burt died. He left me. ThatContinue reading “Blame takes a turn”

Blame

The subject of blame is proving an inspiration of sorts. I know that blaming Burt for his illness is [was] ridiculous. I also know that it was not an absurd reaction. I bet that if your spouse received a dementia diagnosis, you might be angry. Not just at the diagnosis but also at him/her. IContinue reading “Blame”

Blameless

Burt, due to his diagnosis, has been blameless. Lewy comes with a pass and Lewy was with us for the past five years. Leave it to me to feel that there is significance in my faulting him for the soap dishes. I had allowed for the normal irritation at a spouse who made an errantContinue reading “Blameless”

Blaming gaming

Burt brought home these metal soap dishes; they were handsome until water hit them, then they rusted. I blamed Burt for their high maintenace needs and the ugly stains their little red-blistered bottoms left behind. This morning as I moved a dish to try to clean under it, I realized that I still blame him.Continue reading “Blaming gaming”

Love and marriage

We’ve talked about love during caregiving, but I have not been forthright about sex. We don’t talk about that in polite society as my mother would assert. A visiting carer who came by to see Burt was not so circumspect. She suggested I should connect with someone in circumstances like my own. “It’s not cheating,”Continue reading “Love and marriage”

Take care

It hadn’t occurred to me until my friend T said it. Burt chose me. He knew I would be there for him. I am always uncertain when I say that, although she assured me it was true. There were all those times his wife was missing. Did she go to Walgreens, she was always atContinue reading “Take care”

Our story

We met at a bar called Tramps on Friday, May 3rd in 1990. There had been a phone call on Wednesday during which we had made that date. Technically, we met on May 1, 1990, I guess, but according to our Beck love lore, it’s always been May 3rd, now 35 years ago. On Friday,Continue reading “Our story”

Grieving

There are so many words but I have only used loss; I’ve only Said “I’m mourning” or “I mourn” I have said “I miss you” and I’ve Mentioned that as I missed you, You were also missing. I knew You were lost and losing little Bits of yourself over time which I noticed you hadContinue reading “Grieving”

Unexpectedly

Had I mentioned this in an early posting? I remembered it in a support group today and thought it might help with a loved one at the start of dementia. Burt, I know I did mention this, dove into dementia with both feet from the get-go. His symptoms were astonishing and a little overwhelming, andContinue reading “Unexpectedly”

Reminders

When I open the cabinet, there’s the espresso cups we got from drinking, sadly, bad coffee at Matto. Burt pleased me by going with me and suffering through a cup, then escorting me to the subway. I don’t remember where I was heading, but it was a lovely morning. This is pretty much the trainContinue reading “Reminders”