When we were younger, Burt’s hand clasped firmly over mine was a source of pleasant comfort. My hands are small; when we were holding hands, Burt’s hand enveloped mine. Holding hands is a way that those in love signal belonging. Over these last years we spent together, I truly admired his hands. Burt had long,Continue reading “Burt’s hands”
Author Archives: TheRealTamara
Reminiscence
Sitting at dinner, we exchange remembrances of those we’ve lost. We find some comfort as we speak. I remember my mom. As we keep talking, I miss my cousin and her amazing sense of humor. “She was,” I say, “the funniest person I ever knew.” I speak of Burt, my friend talks of her mother.Continue reading “Reminiscence”
Going where we used to go
There is a reassurance in being bathed in happy memories. And, kind of, adding to them as I do with good friends. Here’s our beloved East Village, dinner was at Ukranian East Village Restaurant. Last night, I enjoyed a dinner (and reminiscences) with my good friend D.
Accountable
It feels like I should have control over my feelings, my memories, my past and my future. The jumble sale that is a life can be so much messier than any accounting of it suggests. Well, in 1990, I did this; actually, I met Burt, so it was a big year. In 1992, we gotContinue reading “Accountable”
Big screen
I bought the 45″ TV for Burt. He had gotten us the smaller one a long while back. I am happy with it. The bigger screen seemed to be suited to his watching from his recliner. I don’t watch from his recliner. In fact, I had gotten both the TV and the big brown chair forContinue reading “Big screen”
An essay for carers
Why I will always treasure the healthcare pros who came into our lives when Burt got ill. There is a diminishment that comes with dementia. The dementia sufferer and the family who loves him see their quality of life plummet. It happens over time, but it also is evident early on, sometimes on day one.Continue reading “An essay for carers”
Thinking about
Blogging about Burt feels self- aggrandizing. Sometimes, at any rate. Not writing about him feels negligent. Like only the blog will document who he was to me. In the context of our life together, it doesn’t matter how others will remember him. As his wife, I temper all of the difficult, easy, caring devotion withContinue reading “Thinking about”
Thinking of…
I am in a bereavement group at the moment. This is my second go at tackling, no taking in this kind of support. Why not? It’s very helpful talking to others recently bereft. We see the stages so much more clearly when they filter in other’s eyes. I try to be honest with my group,Continue reading “Thinking of…”
Relaxed performance
When Burt said he missed going to the ballet, I really wanted for us to go. It didn’t happen; I heard about a performance geared to the diagnosis on a Friday; the dance event was scheduled for Sunday. I wasn’t able to pivot that fast. I still have regrets. It wasn’t easy to find accessibleContinue reading “Relaxed performance”
Burt deserved the extraordinary
Burt was extraordinary. He and I had lived a happy, carefree, and modest life. We had no ambition to stir us towards greatness. He had daydreams of coaching a hapless team with me in the dug- out by his side. Sometimes. Not an ambition. We were impressed by talent and in Burt’s case that meantContinue reading “Burt deserved the extraordinary”
this is our life 