TheRealTamara

The reservoir

Today, I took a walk across the park for the first time in many years. It was inevitable that this trip would trigger memories of Burt and me. My path took me along the track by the reservoir, a route we had last walked together 8 years ago. I was pleased to be there withContinue reading “The reservoir”

Prompted at a writing workshop

Burden / Blessing My burden, as it were, is lifted. Burt has passed and I am relieved of caregiving. I have the blessings of memory. Good memories, mostly, from a good long-short marriage, from a friendship that enriched my life; good memories from years of doing-together; and, yes, good memories from nearly five years ofContinue reading “Prompted at a writing workshop”

Stages

The dawn is still beautiful. Is it allowed to be beautiful? Are there really stages of grief? I know there are because I have lived them once already. I am grieving all over for the same man I mourned before. My sorrow is not less now even though it is tinged with relief. I haveContinue reading “Stages”

Life, as it goes on

My life without Burt feels like it’s been severed in half. So I am living a half-life like a mineral. At least some of the time. His picture is all over the walls of our living room. I can admire his impish smile or his eager interest. I can remember when we went to thisContinue reading “Life, as it goes on”

Another song

Losing you. A sad sad songOf loss. But not of love lost.You’re gone but our love, it’sWith me still. It will be with Me always. Our love, yoursFor me, fills my memories, My love for you, it’s forever.When I awake saying as I do,I love you Burt. I know I am Lucky, so very lucky.Continue reading “Another song”

Ides

Beware the Ides of March? Is that the 13th, no 15th, and it’s past. You have passed. I have been beware and aware since you first presented with odd differences. The days we went all over town visiting doctors with an answer to why you were seeing double. We shrugged when you returned home sayingContinue reading “Ides”

Love, always

I said I love you but wonderedIf you heard me. I didn’t knowIf you heard me when I said itBefore, in those last few days,But I do know you heard me. You will always know that I Love you. Always. I said it toRemind us both, then. I loved You, then as I love you, now.Continue reading “Love, always”

Footwear

My photo albums show me my Burt fully animated, even mischievous. He was a contrarian and often impish. I loved his capricious humor. I loved him.

What was I thinking

There is actually a name for what your loved one with dementia is going through when s/he first denies the diagnosis. It’s not denial but something like a not knowing. My sincere hope at that point was that Burt would know, that he would understand. If he accepted the dementia, we could work together onContinue reading “What was I thinking”

Time

Time which I hoarded is now mine to squanderI have so much of it to fill at my leisure andCommand. I needed it when there was careAnd worry and doing so I set aside a block ofHours that were mine alone to fill with a lunchOr a Zumba class or, often with a learning ofHowContinue reading “Time”