TheRealTamara

Now that you’re gone

This haunts me. Our first encounter with Capgras was both strange and amusing. Burt welcomed the imposter, an atypical response I suppose. In that early iteration, he wound up meeting 13 Tamaras. I remember one of our conversations during which I interjected our shared past at which Burt said “You’re a very nice person. IContinue reading “Now that you’re gone”

The Falcons

My friend J came to join me at a theater performance wearing a Falcons varsity jacket. Why is that significant? Unbeknownst to her, Burt and his highschool pals called themselves the Falcons. And, yes, they had varsity jackets. It’s possible that this one, found at a bin in a second hand store, could have belongedContinue reading “The Falcons”

The sun will

The last five years have been harder on me than I felt as they rolled along. Caregiving is an encompassing experience. It holds your focus; your loved one keeps you focused on doing for…. Burt was the center for my worry and care. I was a model for selfcare, I say with no boast orContinue reading “The sun will”

Time spent together

Was Burt perfect? Well, of course. Oh, you’re serious. No, of course not. The moments I conjure now are perfect. The ones over the last years may also be tinged with sadness. Of course. The ones from before his sad long illness are glimpses into a happy life. Often they are little things that areContinue reading “Time spent together”

Along the way

I have met and observed others treading the hallowed ground of this dementia, the Lewy Body disease. This poem is a tribute to one such fellow traveler. She of the perpetual sorrowShe carries her dread but isNot sure what it is she fearsHer fear is real but she fearsIt may be just the dread ofContinue reading “Along the way”

In my corner 2

I stepped out onto our street after speaking of how thoroughly and well Burt had looked after me. My hope was [and is] that he still does. Here’s the proof on the block: Thank you.

In my corner

He always cheered for me. Burt was always my champion, even in areas he personally had no interest. Zumba classes. My poetry. Things he would never do, although he dutifully and lovingly listened to my poems. He encouraged me. He enlightened me. His insights, some made during the years of his slow decline, were oftenContinue reading “In my corner”

In memory of

Burton P.- the man I love A pictorial of our recent past

The process

Grieving is a process that involves and invokes memories. Thanks to the volubility of my deeply missed beloved, I have lots of memories, even from his childhood. Burt told me many stories. I learned of the running board on his grandfather’s truck; the grandfather with whom he planted cucumbers. I heard how he met hisContinue reading “The process”

Missing

From beginning to end, it was not a sudden event. It felt like a long journey and also as if it all transpired in a flash. Dementia slowly steals faculties, alters personality, changes the conversation. Once upon years before, we shared ideas and interests, exchanged thoughts and had meaningful communication. Once upon… I thrilled atContinue reading “Missing”