TheRealTamara

Crossing 67th. Etc

As the day passes Some pictures I took of him when we were watching the river:

My friend greeted me by the lobby door and said go to the park, everything’s in bloom. Good plan for this aimless Easter Sunday. My route was to come in at 67th. And there were the memories. Burt and I frequented The Park. My path today was full of old stories. My Sunday in theContinue reading “The Park”

Bubbling up

Two weeks before my planned celebration to honor Burt, I find little reminders in his honor. I am organizing my living space, with no wish to eliminate any of the reminders. You might argue that disposing of Burt’s jackets and sneakers can be seen as a way of eliminating reminders. Throwing out his things isContinue reading “Bubbling up”

Back to basics

It would be impossible to survive this journey without love, or kindness, or compassion. I have held firm in this belief from the beginning. I now know how much love, kindness and compassion can buoy me in grief as well. The fourth pillar of caregiving is respite. Proper time for the carer to fuel andContinue reading “Back to basics”

Coincidence

Getting ready for a shredding event, as I cleaned out papers, I found Burt’s discharge from rehab. The date was, apparently 2/25/2023, just two years to the day before his death this year. A coincidence that I found such a jolting reminder. I had completely forgotten the exact date when he’d come home. It feltContinue reading “Coincidence”

Tickaboom

Burt loved tickets. I think I have shared the joke before: he said he liked getting tickets better than going to the show. Be that as it may, we went to most of the shows for which we had tickets. Tickets were a big deal and I think it had to do with his childhood.Continue reading “Tickaboom”

My memories

There were many things Burt could still remember as Lewy progressed. Some were mangled memories. Until the last month or two, he still knew that I loved him. Sometimes that awareness came as a reminder from me. I love you very very much. His eyes widened and he’d say “Really?” and smile in recognition. AsContinue reading “My memories”

It went so fast

In a rambling dinner conversation, Burt’s favorite aide [and mine] and I inevitably spoke of him. His idiosyncracies over the rules of laundry and eager attendance to the mailbox were still part of daily living when she began. Only toward the end, in the last few months, did Burt think I was just never here. MyContinue reading “It went so fast”

I was prompted

It’s hard to feel like you’re thriving in the midst of the downward cycle of dementia. My policy, as I have often called it, was to get help in early so I could get “me time.” It was to save myself, to keep from drowning, to stay positive. In retrospect with Burt-dear Burt- gone, IContinue reading “I was prompted”

Our journey. Now it’s my journey alone

I know that Burt is guiding me through this part of the journey. I say this despite my averred non-[even, perhaps anti] spiritual stance. As a new acquaintance told me yesterday, we don’t approach death in a direct way. We don’t for many reasons, one of which is a natural fear of our mortality. WeContinue reading “Our journey. Now it’s my journey alone”