TheRealTamara

All of a Sudden

Burt was my companion, my love, my guide, my partner, my pal for so many years and then he started withdrawing. That was not a conscious withdrawal but one he could not control. It was caused by the dementia that was also causing him to lose himself. Lost and not lost, as I have said,Continue reading “All of a Sudden”

Picture book

Our haunts

During the early years of the journey, Burt had destinations. He used to love to sit outside the HHS lobby; he befriended one of the security guards, Mr. Phillips, and would converse himself whenever we went there. The route was across the 78th Street bridge over the Drive and down the East River Esplanade. IContinue reading “Our haunts”

What else I am doing

Time with friends is a great support system during the journey and then when it abruptly stops. I have lots of plans. I have lots of wonderful friends with whom to hang.

Dear Burt,

You gave me a full happy life. We were lucky to find each other. Lucky, or destined? I’m not sure if either luck or fate belong in modern life. Or love. It was my joy and an honor to be with you each and every one of those nearly 35 years. Did we have disagreements?Continue reading “Dear Burt,”

The theater

We were regulars on Broadway, off, off-off. We attended dance and jazz performances. We went to pop concerts and some opera. When I string that out like that, I wonder how we found the time. As he approached the beginnings of his dementia, sitting through a ballet or staying for a show became a challenge.Continue reading “The theater”

The long before

Burt was well for a much longer time than he was ill. That is obvious as I write it, but it only just occured to me. The last 5 years have been that intense. So engrossing that I almost forgot. Almost. There was a long, happy before. The before celebrates Burt and me; it celebrates us.

Here’s how it went

Here’s what happened. First, Burt seemed listless. That was unusual for him. I was out at the gym a lot and he was at home a lot. He had fallen and cut his cheek badly a year earlier. He had had a bout with never-explained double vision. That was a couple of years before. AndContinue reading “Here’s how it went”

Unsolicited

If you are a caregiver, I am going to give you some advice. Remind yourself that you love your person with dementia. Love is complicated. Caring is love. Holding love makes the journey easier. Applaud yourself for the care, patience and [yes] love you are giving. Applaud yourself for the compassion you are living. CareContinue reading “Unsolicited”

Planning

Have I told you that my party plans for May 3rd have proven to be healing? The choice of venue is close and that pleases me. On my way home from a site visit, I said, smiling and speaking to myself alone Burt will be so surprised. Preparing to throw a celebration of his life isContinue reading “Planning”