TheRealTamara

Memories

Burnout

It’s a topic of great interest to anyone who is caring for another human being. Family caregivers have a dose of extra responsibility. There’s the physical caring, which seems like a lot. It’s not all. We also make personal decisions about the healthcare of our loved ones. Financial decisions fall to us as, often, doContinue reading “Burnout”

A surprise party

What was I thinking? Honestly, I had trepidations. This could go either way. Or in any direction. A party could be too much for him. It could be confusing to meet so many people. It could be overwhelming or an unwelcome surprise. My Burt is a very social guy. He’s made lots of friends inContinue reading “A surprise party”

Feels like a job

It’s a new revelation at my end of the caring experience. I started thinking of my often funny, sometimes difficult honey of a man as a job. I hate myself for that, but there it is. He is work. Many of us thrust into this kind of role feel unqualified. I am ill-suited to beContinue reading “Feels like a job”

Partners

The loss of a partner is a difficult loss. When your love has dementia the loss is kind of on-going. He can’t provide the support he once did. He can’t be the partner he wants to be. Burt is constantly saying “if you have a problem, come to me.” He is sincere, but he can’tContinue reading “Partners”

One day at a time

This cliche of better living is a caveat not just for members of the 12-step community but for anyone wishing to enjoy a more balanced life. Ironically, it is in the throes of my husband’s difficult diagnosis that I found a way towards “living in the moment.” At first, I was thrown by every changeContinue reading “One day at a time”

It’s sad but clear

We are preparing to let our loved ones go. It’s impossible to predict if we are headed to a long-term care facility. It’s hard to tell how long we’ll have with them once the disease starts. It’s even hard to guess where and when the next phase will take us. As I started my journeyContinue reading “It’s sad but clear”

Resistant

My guy doesn’t make it easy to help him. Some two years ago, he had trouble swallowing. He was limited in his eating for quite a while, yet he mocked “the chew doctor.” Instead of working on the issues, he resorted to a diet of lemon meringue tarts. I practically did a dance when heContinue reading “Resistant”

Inspiration

There is plenty of help along the road as we journey with Burt’s dementia. Teepa Snow, whom I have dubbed “the dementia whisperer,” offers priceless online advice and interactive sessions for caregivers. YouTube is an outlet for her superb videos. You can find Careblazers there as well, with Natali Edmonds providing lots of guidance forContinue reading “Inspiration”

Respite

It’s frequently a piece of advice which some caregivers have come to resent. It is given in a spirit of concern, but some of us feel it is de trop. “I know I have to take care of myself,” one of my confederates said. “I don’t need to be reminded.” Take care of yourself. IfContinue reading “Respite”