TheRealTamara

Self-care

For everyone, it’s likely to look different, but this was my day. Things at home were looking to be under control even though my honey was “training” a substitute carer.

It’s counterintuitive that someone with a degenerative brain disease should routinely hold conflicting thoughts simultaneously. Apparently, this is exactly what happens here. Burt easily entertains opposing and disparate thoughts. It has surprised me before. The other day, after weeks of looking at his birthday balloons and saying how nice it was of each of theContinue reading “All of a sudden”

Day into night

Agitation and upset come into every life, but they are harder for your person with dementia. Losing time is a frequent confusion. When Burt first presented with symptoms, the topsy-turvyness of his days was distressing to me. It confused him that it was 7 at night and not the morning, but he seemed OK withContinue reading “Day into night”

Ego

I use this bit of insider knowledge as a tagline in my online communications with other caregivers. Caregiving turns out to be a Zen experience; little by little, we give over our ego to the care. We have to forgo that inevitable clash of egos in which we as couples engage. This is a positiveContinue reading “Ego”

Mellower

Me. Not he. I have become a less bristly me since Burt was diagnosed. Oh, yes, I panicked at first. He was so listless. Now his moods (for examples etc. see I’m so emotional…) give him plenty of volatility to play with. There are lulls, and he can be calm and kind. I was alwaysContinue reading “Mellower”

Up up down up

Burt had two days of the grumps following our outing to the Thanksgiving Dinner and Dance. I realized this was a smaller version of the reaction I had read about, the slide that follows a big event. It was mild if unpleasant. On Wednesday, he told me what he liked about his aide was thatContinue reading “Up up down up”

Why didn’t I think of that

I had a “duh” moment tonight when I took Burt to a Thanksgiving party at our nearby neighborhood center. I hesitated. I had trepidations. He was nervous. His anxiety over where, when, why were extreme. I was pretty sure I could safely ignore his exhortation to “get another boyfriend” if I wanted to go toContinue reading “Why didn’t I think of that”

Gratitude

It’s Thanksgiving, that Thursday in November we’ve designated as a day on which to be grateful. I am. I still have my Burt. His challenges come with heaps of love and appreciation. That’s to say he is grateful. He frequently thanks me for everything I do for him. He doesn’t forget to be appreciative ofContinue reading “Gratitude”

“I’m so emotional, baby”

We all tend to be so overwhelmed by our own emotions. I should have realized this sooner, but it hit me just now. A young woman was on her phone and she started tearing up when she said, “I feel like….” That conclusion brings me to our LBD partners. They are in a constant rawContinue reading ““I’m so emotional, baby””

Paying attention

Is it possible that we are watching too closely? We see declines. We worry. We are concerned with their comfort. We look to manage this disease. We know we can’t prevent the inevitable, but we look to head it off at the pass. Sometimes, when we pay so much attention, we give ourselves more worries.Continue reading “Paying attention”