Confusion – this is our life

Grieving

There are so many words but I have only used loss; I’ve only Said “I’m mourning” or “I mourn” I have said “I miss you” and I’ve Mentioned that as I missed you, You were also missing. I knew You were lost and losing little Bits of yourself over time which I noticed you hadContinue reading “Grieving”

The little uptick

… comes with a little anxiety and agitation. His little puff of steam uphill comes with a return to other issues. Burt is a bit more anxious in his delusions; his fears are about someone hurting him. He’s more worried, whereas he seemed so contented during the big decline. I think because his world hasContinue reading “The little uptick”

Expert advice

I am no expert on this disease. I play one around my house, as it were. I am as flummoxed by new behaviors as the next hapless caregiver. We have been thrown under this bus. Each of us. The onset of dementia in your partner can lead to confusion. His and mine. Burt and IContinue reading “Expert advice”

Redundant

My takeaway from the discussion was that the brain protects itself by holding redundancies. Well, that was one of the points I gleaned from Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s StarTalk with Daniel Levitan (and Chuck Knight) on music as our first language. Why redundancy? It would be a way for the brain to keep and store informationContinue reading “Redundant”

Down down up

When I speak of Burt’s return or of an upswing, I am grading on a curve. After his recent declines, he has not achieved clarity, coherence, or cognitive functioning. He tells me of imagined trips where he met people with wonderfully unlikely names. He insists I bring Tamara to him when I say, “I’m yourContinue reading “Down down up”

Confusio n

Let’s look at what being confused is really like. I think we often feel that it’s a pleasant state or, if not quite pleasant, a not-unpleasant one. You look around, and things don’t make sense, but you know, who cares: It’s all good. In this assessment, confusion is confused with the “no worties” state ofContinue reading “Confusio n”

His decline. My denial

Oh, that famous river is always right over my shoulder. Is it my heart that keeps me from accepting the inevitability of this disease? Burt has been declining, as in sooo much more confused, delusions and hallucinating to beat_the_band. He also is often sleeping more, although the fact that he’s up half the night contributes.Continue reading “His decline. My denial”

Mayhem

Burt asked me if I knew that guy. I listened a little harder, had he said Maynard? The guy, he repeated, «Mayhem«. His question gave me chills. I thought of the character Dean Winters plays in a TV ad, but I also thought of the mayhem LBD causes, the disruption in our lives and inContinue reading “Mayhem”