I was inspired by Cynthia Malone’s journal Slammered to look back a bit. I am calling our endeavors a literature of grief. I couldn’t put Cindy’s moving account down until I finished reading.* Grieving is a normal response to loss and so we grieve even before the final separation. Caregiver Teleconnections offered excellent guidance forContinue reading “Early signs”
Category Archives: Losses
What’s next?
The declines are small things, almost unnoticeable. As you give care, however, those little indications don’t go unnoticed. At least not for long. It is the unremarkable that catches your attention, or rather niggles at your consciousness. It suddenly occurred to me that Burt’s acceptance that I hold the water glass for him was partContinue reading “What’s next?”
More of Less
There is something both cute and heartbreaking when he says “my big chair” with the possessive enthusiasm of a child. This disease hurts every day in every way. It’s full of cuts to the heart, like when you find yourself taking pride in his remembering what day it is. Where is the smart, savvy, resourcefulContinue reading “More of Less”
Day into night
Agitation and upset come into every life, but they are harder for your person with dementia. Losing time is a frequent confusion. When Burt first presented with symptoms, the topsy-turvyness of his days was distressing to me. It confused him that it was 7 at night and not the morning, but he seemed OK withContinue reading “Day into night”
Ego
I use this bit of insider knowledge as a tagline in my online communications with other caregivers. Caregiving turns out to be a Zen experience; little by little, we give over our ego to the care. We have to forgo that inevitable clash of egos in which we as couples engage. This is a positiveContinue reading “Ego”
Mellower
Me. Not he. I have become a less bristly me since Burt was diagnosed. Oh, yes, I panicked at first. He was so listless. Now his moods (for examples etc. see I’m so emotional…) give him plenty of volatility to play with. There are lulls, and he can be calm and kind. I was alwaysContinue reading “Mellower”
Up up down up
Burt had two days of the grumps following our outing to the Thanksgiving Dinner and Dance. I realized this was a smaller version of the reaction I had read about, the slide that follows a big event. It was mild if unpleasant. On Wednesday, he told me what he liked about his aide was thatContinue reading “Up up down up”
Partners
The loss of a partner is a difficult loss. When your love has dementia the loss is kind of on-going. He can’t provide the support he once did. He can’t be the partner he wants to be. Burt is constantly saying “if you have a problem, come to me.” He is sincere, but he can’tContinue reading “Partners”
this is our life 