Burt’s body remained in the bed room until after 7:30. The ME when my dear S called him on my behalf was very apologetic. The funeral home sent someone from a NJ parlor because they close at 5pm. He was at rest but 8 hours was a long hard time for me to wait toContinue reading “Eerie”
Category Archives: Love
Valentine’s: a deeper shade of red
I am going to mix the art references like a can of V-8, so apologies up front. Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I know that for those of us who are caregiving, it’s acquired a new and more shaded meaning. For me, the romantic love at which Cupid’s arrow signals, has a patina of sadness. It hasContinue reading “Valentine’s: a deeper shade of red”
Valentines
Speaking of the day of hearts and flowers, and I did mention it, this is another particularly difficult holiday. It’s that love stuff that gets us. Most of us have seen our marriages transformed by Lewy [or, really, any dementia]. Intimacy is not what it used to be. Love, of course, is a resilient andContinue reading “Valentines”
«Do I love you?«
I’ve just said, “I love you” in response to his conversation. I did not understand what he said. “I love you” is a standard retort. It reassures me/him. The minute after I affirm my love for him, I doubt myself. Why do I run from the room, leave his bedside mid such conversations? I stateContinue reading “«Do I love you?«”
Teary-eyed
Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved? Burt has always made me feel truly loved. Even these days, when he seems not so sure who I am, I still know he loves me truly. I am entirely delighted by the reassurance of this truth.
The honeymoon is over
It’s not for me. I am saddened and relieved that I am no longer the most important person in Burt’s life. No, there isn’t anyone else, although during Lewy’s tenure, he’s had infatuations. Early in the journey, he asked our lawyer about divorce so he could date one of his caregivers. Why not? She wasContinue reading “The honeymoon is over”
Me me me Time
A Lament Let’s face it, I have me-time even when I sit with Burt. (How do you think these blogs get written?) Most of the time, there are no pressing and time-consuming needs. There’s a little quiet conversation. It’s not challenging or sustained. Often, it doesn’t even include me as Burt’s focused on some fantomContinue reading “Me me me Time”
Love, loss
Last night, Burt was very vocal. I believe he was mostly speaking in his sleep. Much of this conversation last night addressed complaints. He called out my name a few times. In this chatter, he fluctuated between an unfavorable and a positive view of me. It was clear that he knew who I was. ThisContinue reading “Love, loss”
Grateful, appreciative, and thankful
It’s Thanksgiving. Talk of gratitude is as prevalent as the turkey on our plates. We are parsing what is worthy of our appreciation as we sit down for today’s feast. The original idea of this holiday was to show thanks to God for the bounty in our lives. Gratitude practice is at the least aContinue reading “Grateful, appreciative, and thankful”
Figuring it out
Okay, this is a bit weird. One of my fears is that by the time I get the hang of caring for Burt, it will be too late. It’s a huge learning curve, at least for me. So many things to consider and do. I want him comfortable, safe, and secure. I want to love himContinue reading “Figuring it out”
this is our life 