This haunts me. Our first encounter with Capgras was both strange and amusing. Burt welcomed the imposter, an atypical response I suppose. In that early iteration, he wound up meeting 13 Tamaras. I remember one of our conversations during which I interjected our shared past at which Burt said “You’re a very nice person. IContinue reading “Now that you’re gone”
Category Archives: memories
The Falcons
My friend J came to join me at a theater performance wearing a Falcons varsity jacket. Why is that significant? Unbeknownst to her, Burt and his highschool pals called themselves the Falcons. And, yes, they had varsity jackets. It’s possible that this one, found at a bin in a second hand store, could have belongedContinue reading “The Falcons”
Time spent together
Was Burt perfect? Well, of course. Oh, you’re serious. No, of course not. The moments I conjure now are perfect. The ones over the last years may also be tinged with sadness. Of course. The ones from before his sad long illness are glimpses into a happy life. Often they are little things that areContinue reading “Time spent together”
The theater
We were regulars on Broadway, off, off-off. We attended dance and jazz performances. We went to pop concerts and some opera. When I string that out like that, I wonder how we found the time. As he approached the beginnings of his dementia, sitting through a ballet or staying for a show became a challenge.Continue reading “The theater”
His story
There’s a lot of serendipity afloat at this end of our journey. I get glints from the universe that all provide points of light from Burt’s life. Or maybe, my experiences spur my memories. Memories are giving me context to our history, mine and Burt’s. I knew his background, I think, because Burt was alwaysContinue reading “His story”
Glad you asked
Sorry to have this answer Describe a phase in life that was difficult to say goodbye to. Marriage isn’t rightly described as a phase. Some are soon ended. Others last from highschool sweetheart on, til. Ours started in midlife and ended with Burt’s death. Nearly 33 years married and almost 35 together. Maybe, like hisContinue reading “Glad you asked”
Esplanade
D and I made plans to take a walk today. The weather’s been mild. Maybe we’ll cross the bridge that goes over the FDR to the Riverwalk. Burt and I used to walk there all the time. I mean, before he got sick, too. For a while, when he was still walking, we would goContinue reading “Esplanade”
So, what now?
I am aimless the day after Burt has left his body and his body has been taken away by the men from the mortuary. I visit the funeral home to fill out paperwork that will carry him away. Even further. Or carry his body away. I turn spiritual of a sudden. I know his soul,Continue reading “So, what now?”
2-25-2025 [to Burt]
My burden’s been lifted, orLessened. I search insteadFor the purpose I’ve lost orMisplaced. Caregiving is aJob or a job description, soOnce it passes you are noLonger giving care.The workIs over, finished, the burdenLifted, and you by definitionNo longer occupy that job.By definition caregiver doesNot define you, it is not whoYou are. It doesn’t define me.IContinue reading “2-25-2025 [to Burt]”
Eerie
Burt’s body remained in the bed room until after 7:30. The ME when my dear S called him on my behalf was very apologetic. The funeral home sent someone from a NJ parlor because they close at 5pm. He was at rest but 8 hours was a long hard time for me to wait toContinue reading “Eerie”
this is our life 