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I know that Burt is guiding me through this part of the journey. I say this despite my averred non-[even, perhaps anti] spiritual stance. As a new acquaintance told me yesterday, we don’t approach death in a direct way. We don’t for many reasons, one of which is a natural fear of our mortality. WeContinue reading “Our journey. Now it’s my journey alone”

There are so many ways in which I am missing Burt. This is not unusual when mourning. I believe that we face our loss uniquely, not just as individuals but at different points during any given day. I awoke thinking about the Burt of many months past who was still communicative and sociable. I miss thatContinue reading “It’s going to be different”

Somehow Burt always crops up in my conversations. I sat with some strangers at the senior center chatting about the play [Humpty Dumpty] I had seen while one of them was in the Hands Off! March and the gym classes we attended. One of the strangers, now my new friends, mentioned the ping pong programContinue reading “Ping Pong”

Burt got us out of the market. He had been a stocks and options broker and had happily traded for many years. As the LBD wracked him, he became leery of trading in the markets. I think he recognized, on some level, how complicated it all was. And under his new circumstances, that he wasContinue reading “Saved from the bell”

On Friday night I dreamt that Burt came to chat with me. He sat on the edge of the tub, cigarette in hand. You don’t smoke I said. I thought I’d try it. No harm now. He was casual. We don’t have a tub. He looked well, was lively and he said I got myContinue reading “In my dreams”

I awake, listing all the possible times of night [or early morning] it could be. I get up, walking with that strange rolling gate that age has gifted me. I have become an old woman in the years that Burt suffered his dementia. I stayed perky-ish while he needed me but since he left, IContinue reading “Aging”

A neighbor and I exchanged the back and forth of a condolence greeting. I said, yes I’m heading to the theater with a friend and thinking how much I miss the Burt who would be taking me to the theater. The Burt from way back. He said I remember the Burt from way back. QuickContinue reading “Another conversation”

In February, after nearly five years suffering with dementia, at the age of 85, Burt passed away. Before Burt’s illness we had a pretext of youth. Carefree and adventurous, doing and going was our style. During the years of Burt’s illness we had changed our focus. I am looking to pick up a new thread. IContinue reading “New paths”