this is our life

Costs of care

The cost of taking care of a loved one with dementia is high. The American healthcare system is unlikely to be much help. Long term care insurance might provide the bandaid to expenses. I don’t know the cost to benefits analysis of buying this insurance; I didn’t have it. When your person gets ill, you […]
Costs of care

There are many reminders about the ways you can navigate when your beloved is diagnosed with dementia.

I hope it is helpful.

On the other side of the costs, there are the many benefits of caring. The thrill of being able to bestow my care on the man I loved is hard to describe.

When? [repost]

My time is reality-bound

His is more a flight of fancy

Yesterday, 2 weeks ago, meld

There is no this morning,

Just a sense that it happened

Long enough ago to worry

That something was missed

My time is grounded, tethered

To the rhythms of the clock

His lives in his imagination

It slips from […]
When?

“Gawking…”

It’s in the touristy tradition to find everything we see on our tours «the most beautiful.» That is how I feel about my city.
Around and about

Which topics would you like to be more informed about? “Gawking at buildings,” that’s how I described my hobby to my future husband even before we met. It’s something I truly enjoy, but alas do it with only a dilletante’s understanding. I think this facade is a treat. Love the balcony [half-balc] and then the […]
I wish I knew

Too random…

Sweetness is an acquired taste. I know for a fact that til I met my husband, I had an inclination toward the savory which has since turned into a full-on sweet tooth. I also recall being appalled at the saccharine– in films, in books, in life. I have since come to have a sentimental streak […]
Too random…

Sweetness. That’s a nice thing to get from your husband.

Cherished

In Mighty Quinn’s, ***what’s on the table***

Everyday with him is a gift. Here are a few of the things I treasure about my husband: his care and concern for me he is an opinionated man whose convictions are subject to sentimental reversals he is quick of temper but always wants to make peace, with everyone not just with me he insists […]
Cherished

This was a post in 2017, before LBD crept into our lives. When it did, I found that Burt showed up with the same qualities he had always had.

Family

Estrangement is a double edged sword and anyway you hold it, be careful because you are
likely to get hurt.
Family

Read, if you will, the reblogged post that speaks of a birthday celebration that took place in 2001, the year our estranged granddaughter turned 13 (pre-estrangement), just days after the 9 11 attacks. It’s about the pains and realities of families on the outs.

Together. Alone. (Widowed)

In my widowhood, we are

Still a couple, a couple

One of whom has absented

Himself, you know who you

Are, we were two, and so

Close in everything we did,

I am doing some of those

Things alone now. I am a

Widow, without that guy I

Miss, when will I, will I be

Just me alone, doing the

Things we, a couple, had

Done, […]
Together. Alone.

Immediately after writing this query into life after Burt’s death and a declaration of a kind of an independence, I went to get a flu shot.

It stung, and I thought, on the verge of telling the nurse, that the sting would be satisfying to Burt, who liked the proof that he’d gotten the vaccine.

When an injection was painless, Burt needed my reassurance that I had seen the needle go in. It’s very hard keeping my experiences just to myself alone. They are always a little bit about him too. That’s fine, having him still in my life is very reassuring.

Superstitious (reblog)

I am not a believer. I am an atheist. Without a religious allegiance or a belief in a god or an afterlife, you would think I would be free from all other superstitions. In fact, I inherited much of my magical thinking from my mother. She, too, disdained religion, but lord she had a world […]
Superstitious

Magical thinking, isn’t that the phrase Joan Didion used to describe how we deal with the death of a loved one. It was how Joan Didion described the year in her life after a tragic loss. I used the expression to suggest a superstitious view.

My year, now approaching two, after Burt’s death has not been one spent in anything magical although I have been doing a lot of thinking. And remembering.

Dreaming (re-posted)

My friend wondered where our dreamscapes come from when I shared my dream with her. My dream of Burt, probably lastTh or Fr was meant to be noted on the following morning. I forgot to write it down then. When I did recall it, it struck me as odd, funny and pleasant. We wanted to […]
Dreaming