In the course of an hour or so, Burt was holding on tight to his aide’s hand. He took mine with his free hand and continued an elaborate explanation. His chat was freewheeling and pleasant. He’s been sweet like this of late. No arguments or accusations. This is Burt down to his basic self. He’sContinue reading “Basic Burt”
Tag Archives: #affirmations
«Do I love you?«
I’ve just said, “I love you” in response to his conversation. I did not understand what he said. “I love you” is a standard retort. It reassures me/him. The minute after I affirm my love for him, I doubt myself. Why do I run from the room, leave his bedside mid such conversations? I stateContinue reading “«Do I love you?«”
It’s heavy
In my encounters with friends and acquaintances, I feel heavy. Physically, of course, I am. It is the sorrow I carry in my heart that makes me feel weightier. This, I think, at each conversation is not the gravitas I hoped to achieve. I have toned down the impulse to spill it all. I noContinue reading “It’s heavy”
Call and response
“Burton Philip… we’re having a good day.” I am quoting the random callout Burt made last night. His conversation is ongoing, and he is addressing someone with questions and a flow of dialog. This is an evening ritual. Who am I kidding? These exchanges can go on all day long. My friend J is right.Continue reading “Call and response”
Love is lovelier
Oh dear. The second time around. 🎼 For me, the second time is really the years after diagnosis and the symptoms. I am the second wife, but Burt is my first. And only. I know, I am laying it on with extra schmaltz. There is something to what I heard from a recently widowed LBDContinue reading “Love is lovelier”
Collateral damage
Burt is in the line of fire as Lewy takes more and more of his self. I feel for his losses as I do for my own. He spoke of himself in the third person today. “Does Burt know?,” he asked. I don’t understand so much of what he utters these days, but I heardContinue reading “Collateral damage”
Time passes
A gratitude Time is an ironic boss. It passes. It moves so slowly that it’s as if someone forgot to release the break. At the same time (or by the same token), it rushes past us in a blur. In those instances (in those moments), we are caught off guard by the whirlwind. We sometimesContinue reading “Time passes”
Amazing
In Down down up, I made the case that there was no denying Burt’s impairments. He’s no longer tethered to his Wall Street past, except for his frequent talk of money and time. He doesn’t see the companion of his journey by his side but lives with lots of imagined company. (Let me clarify, althoughContinue reading “Amazing”
It’s never too late
The jingle about Jello Instant Pudding® is running through my head right now, but honestly this is a serious post about a serious question. The other night, Burt, in the midst of his confusion, was lamenting how “sick” he feels. My response was to tell him that whatever was bothering him, hurting him and upsettingContinue reading “It’s never too late”
A good week. I’m still stressed. But it was good.
Here I am. I am affirming my positives despite the stress of last week. Let me count the ways: [I had a little extra stress from the unexpectedly threatening phone call that I got on Friday. You know that feeling when you shake everything off and then have a nightmare.] Today, the hospital bed arrivedContinue reading “A good week. I’m still stressed. But it was good.”
this is our life 