We’ve talked about love during caregiving, but I have not been forthright about sex. We don’t talk about that in polite society as my mother would assert. A visiting carer who came by to see Burt was not so circumspect. She suggested I should connect with someone in circumstances like my own. “It’s not cheating,”Continue reading “Love and marriage”
Tag Archives: #feelings
Our story
We met at a bar called Tramps on Friday, May 3rd in 1990. There had been a phone call on Wednesday during which we had made that date. Technically, we met on May 1, 1990, I guess, but according to our Beck love lore, it’s always been May 3rd, now 35 years ago. On Friday,Continue reading “Our story”
Good advice
Some days, Burt is so intensely missed that I walk around in a miasma of loss. That’s on one day, and it’s fine. It is inevitable that that feeling will come or go or both at once. Today, I miss him but I’m digging into memories. With the memory the miasma lifts; I am notContinue reading “Good advice”
Neglect
Sometimes, it feels like I am so torn up over the national outrage as it swirls around that I am not paying enough attention to my guy. Before you voice any alarm, know that I dearly love him. I will always tend to his needs. Love feeds and fuels me, so I am happy toContinue reading “Neglect”
Moment to moment
Burt’s fever broke overnight, almost as suddenly as it started. He was immediately a bit less disoriented. He was able to speak more clearly. We were just chatting, and he mentioned his ex-wife‘s name. I was prepared for this. I was prepared for it to hurt when I asked who she was. He did say,Continue reading “Moment to moment”
His decline. My denial
Oh, that famous river is always right over my shoulder. Is it my heart that keeps me from accepting the inevitability of this disease? Burt has been declining, as in sooo much more confused, delusions and hallucinating to beat_the_band. He also is often sleeping more, although the fact that he’s up half the night contributes.Continue reading “His decline. My denial”
Will this be useful?
My therapist gave me a list of feelings to try to refine my self-assessment. I should look at & consult. What can sadness and sorrow mean or incorporate? I feel bored, too, and guilty for that and other lapses in my care.Worried falls under Fear for example. Guilt includes Regret Sorry Remorseful none of whichContinue reading “Will this be useful?”
this is our life 