I will mourn you when You’re gone, and those Rites of your passing Allow my grief out from The volcano the furnace The seismic pressure I am holding together While you live each day As less of who you are Diminished, diminishing Lost but still here, still Mine, not fully mine, and Not always lost.Continue reading “Mourning”
Tag Archives: #loss
More on that video
The combination of events, my uncovery of the video of Burt a day after our party for him, still tickles me. I am revisiting the occasion of our conversation, listening to it many times over. I also enjoy imagining it and retelling its script. It is rife with the essence of Burt. Chatty, relishing hisContinue reading “More on that video”
Loving Burt. Losing Burt.
All of a Sudden
Burt was my companion, my love, my guide, my partner, my pal for so many years and then he started withdrawing. That was not a conscious withdrawal but one he could not control. It was caused by the dementia that was also causing him to lose himself. Lost and not lost, as I have said,Continue reading “All of a Sudden”
Losing him again
He’s been several people over the past many months. Well, this is not at all unexpected; aren’t we all many people over a lifespan. I look at him sleeping now and regret that I can’t recall with any confidence what he was like two months ago or four years ago. I know who he isContinue reading “Losing him again”
Ambiguity
There is a pet term for the grieving and loss we feel as our loved ones dwindle and decline. As they lose themselves to confusion and disorientation, they are lost to us. Sometimes, the diminished cognition, reductive common sense, and other unraveling occur over many years. Each new feature of this unwinding is another lossContinue reading “Ambiguity”
He doesn’t call
Burt always called me during my respite hours. At one time, while he still could, he’d place the calls himself, relying on the numbers from the phone book I had made him. Then he started getting his aide to place the call or to text me to call him. It was intrusive. I picked upContinue reading “He doesn’t call”
Heartbreak
Lewy Body Dementia offers just reams of tales of heartbreak. They appear as unexpectedly as if we all didn’t know where our story was heading. Every decline has been a surprise to me as if there was a plot twist I hadn’t seen coming. I can’t justify this reaction. I know what this journey ofContinue reading “Heartbreak”
Equivocal grief
I have been doing my shareOf grieving lately. I say shareAs if it were an apportionedAmount. A pinch of salt, dashOf cardamon. Measure yourGrief in a beaker, a basket, byThe pound or a bushel. I doNot even know what a bushelIs. There’s the song, “I love youA bushel and a peck,” it adds”A hug aroundContinue reading “Equivocal grief”
DTA. E.T.A.
Soon, we switch the clocks. Not soon as imminently but more in the context that Christmas decorations will go up before the Thanksgiving leftovers fill our freezers. Musing over the time change is a teary event for me. Time is a touchy topic when your loved one has lost all sense of it. Also, changingContinue reading “DTA. E.T.A.”
this is our life 